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Showing posts from October, 2017

i am a bougie girl: The Part About Patience

I have been seeing and feeling more things coming together in unexpected ways. The road head does not seem so daunting now. One of the key components of putting my life back together is having long range vision for the future but, somehow still working  within the present moment.

Also, I have experienced this shift within my soul. The core of who I am has returned from a long sabbatical. Over the years, this core part of me would show up to visit temporarily and then quickly disappear again. My constant attempts to summon it back went mostly ignored.

I felt abandoned by my own inner core! How does this even happen?

I had to turn to a haphazard practice of patience which is not my strongest suit by far.

i am a bougie girl: Threshold For Love

Everyone has a certain threshold for love...or their interpretation of it. For some people, love is gentle, kind, and even a bit magical. In their world, love is always pleasant and never involves sacrifice. As soon as a hint of adversity enters their relationship, they bolt onto the next person and start the courtship process all over again. Never quite understanding that one cannot simply elude setbacks forever. Perhaps one day, they will learn.

In my world, love contains light with just the right amount of fierceness added to keep things interesting. And by fierceness, I am not referring to unnecessary psyhcodrama which leaves everyone involved exhausted and more than a bit emotionally shaken. I want a love that can endure rough seasons and appreciate quiet ones.

i am a bougie girl: That one time...

I remember that one time when my heart was filled with doubt and dread. I knew that life was about to  throw me a few soul destroying curve balls. Still, I stood there and swung my proverbial bat anyway without a clue as to what was coming next.

Now, that time in my life feels so far away. I am working through so many things on this comeback journey. The first few steps are the hardest. Things eventually do get easier. Bur,  there will be times of inexplicable frustration as I navigate through the choppiest waters that I have ever experienced.

This is what leveling up looks like.

i am a bougie girl: Life Moments

This past weekend, I attended my cousin's wedding. We had a blast. They served tacos at the reception and we danced for hours. It was a great weekend and I am glad that we were all able to celebrate alongside my cousin. 
These life moments are so important.

i am a bougie girl: Little Steps Here and Huge Strides There

Redesigning my life has consisted of little steps and  huge strides. A little step can be as simple as making a list of objectives which will further enhance my journey towards a redesigned life.  For a long time, I dismissed the value of little steps. I lacked the patience and frankly the maturity to understand the hidden beauty in starting small.
I have always preferred to travel my life path by taking big strides. The bold diva within me equates big strides with unstoppable momentum. 
However, I have recently learned that  the middle phase of redesigning a life is a more nuanced experience. I will have to focus this stage of the game on little steps and trust in the process.

i am a bougie girl: Closing My Eyes To Fear And Doubt

Fear and Doubt have been long running frenemies of mine. Sometimes, they have kept me from making huge life destroying mistakes. However, they have also hindered more than a few of my artistic pursuits. Fear and Doubt can be very persuasive at times and often they speak to me in whispered tones. 
Lately, I have found the best way to tune them out is to close my eyes and summon up the joy which comes from creating something.