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Saturday, January 31, 2015

Utter Destruction and Chaos

If you stay with me...I will destroy you. Maybe, not today or even next year but, know that no one escapes the realm of my chaos unscathed. It is the reason why I keep you at arm's length. You have a beautiful soul but, it is no match for my inner turmoil.

Your soul lures me to the edge of my limitations and it gently coaxes me to take a leap of faith. The belief which you hold for me is astounding but, I fear that it has been misplaced. You are constantly confusing my potential with what the reality of who I am as a man.

A huge part me wants to live on the surface. It is the only way that I know how to keep my inner demons locked away. Yet, being with you makes me want to defeat those scary demons once and for all.

Friday, January 30, 2015

If You Are Reading This...

If you are reading this, it means that nostalgia, regret, and a bit of alcohol have brought you back into my realm. You are still struggling with the way things ended between us. Well, sometimes I struggle a bit with it as well. I recall happy times and the eternal laughter which seemed to surround us on the good days...and the emptiness which arrived on the day that you left. 

These words are not a revelation to you because we hashed everything out about 2 reconciliations ago. We both mistakenly believe that if enough time passes that I will magically submit all parts of myself to you. In turn, you will stop letting past relationships poison ours.

 But, after a couple of  well-intentioned months, old patterns emerge.

I feel you itching for your freedom and I happily grant it to you. You are relieved but, a little hurt that I would release you so easily. You assume that I never loved you in the first place. Alas, I beg to differ. Love is the reason that I always let you go.