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Friday, December 30, 2011

Honesty Monologues: I Am Not Ready To Go There

I am not ready to explore the reasons why I gravitate towards toxic friendships and  dead-end relationships.

There are probably a multitude of reasons that I put up with poor treatment from others.

However, for now, I will continue this painful pattern of not loving myself enough to flee from these emotionally perilous associations.

Monday, December 26, 2011

Freewriting Series: I Am A Star...So Are You!

Showcasing my intelligence isn't a hostile act against you or anyone else.  According to your viewpoint, people are supposed to shuffle around and wait for the world at large to acknowledge their talents. Alas, I don't live in that world.  My self-worth isn't based on empty praise doled out from others. I am not sitting around hoping that someone will finally grant me permission to share my gifts with the world.

You have so much to offer the world and yet your energies are focused on resenting the talents of others. You are not ready to embrace your gifts and so you think that I should hide my light as well.

But, I can't do that because at the end of the day...I am star and so are you.

Let's all act accordingly and call a truce.

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Freewriting Series: Holiday Spirit


Today, I had a blast hanging out with my pastor and her family. Her little boys ran me ragged. I played, cleaned, ate, and laughed a lot. This Christmas was one of the best one's I have experienced in recent memory. 

There were a couple of moments when I found myself tearing up at the memory of being pregnant around this time last year. But, then out of nowhere a puzzle piece would fly by my ear or one of the boys needed help getting on a coat and I was jarred back into the present time...where I belong.

Overall, it was a great day and I can't wait until I have a family of my own.  

Merry Christmas!!!

Saturday, December 24, 2011

Honesty Monologues: Angels

Angels are all around us. Sometimes, it's difficult to see them because we are so wrapped in our own  daily lives. An angel differs from a hero. A hero is on a journey of understanding and redemption. Rescuing others is part of the debt he/she must pay in order to reach a higher understanding.

Angels don't save others per se, instead they guides us towards our higher purpose. They shine a light and enable us to keep going even during the darkest times.

Below are some suggestions for how we can become angels to those around us:
1. Volunteer at a nursing home or hospice.
2. Organize a book drive for a local community center.
3. Donate materials and sewing supplies to a local theatre company.
4. Support local artists/musicians/writers/actors/dancers by attending their shows and bringing a friend or two.
5. Surprise a struggling college student with a week's worth of groceries.
6. Give a struggling family a gift card to a local store.
7. Donate to a charity which provides prom dresses to low-income families.
The above-mentioned list does not even begin to cover all the ways in which we can be angels for others on their journey.

We all have the ability to be someone's angel 365 days out of the year.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Freewriting Series: Beacons of Light

 There is light within all of us no matter what our formal education level, class, race, gender, or socio-economic level. We all have the power to be inspirational beacons for someone else's journey. 
Let's make more of a collective effort to build people up instead of tearing them down.

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Happy Holidays!

This year has flown by so quickly! I can't believe that Christmas is literally around the corner.

Tomorrow, I am going to be ringing the bell on behalf of the Salvation Army and then on Sunday I am singing during the Children's Christmas Pageant at my church. Throw in some writing, podcasting, an ugly sweater Christmas party and my weekend is the very picture of holiday crazy!

Yet, there is something comforting about all the chaos in my life. Probably, because in the midst of it all I am surrounded by love.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Bougie Girl Classic Essay: The Black Community

 (This post was written over 7 years ago and published on my original Bougie Girl Blog.)

She is a heavier set gal in her late teens possibly early 20’s. She has on a decidedly primly cut navy blue pantsuit on and her demeanor is strictly no-nonsense. She has a small notepad in her hand.

Upon closer inspection the notepad looks to actually be a ticket book. Not unlike the type that police officers carry. She motions toward me for my to approach.
She is furiously scribbling in her ticket book.

When I am a few feet in front of her she extends her hand and gives me a couple of pieces of paper. They are citations for behavior unbecoming to a black woman.

Citation Number one is for actively dating outside of my race. Citation Number two has been issued in relation to the fact that my hair relaxer is not straight enough.
The third and final citation is for not supporting self-appointed leaders of the black community.

“How much are these citations going to cost me?” I said whipping out my checkbook.

A grim expression crossed her young face.

“Do you think that your money can buy you out of this?” Her voice was filling with anger.

Before I could respond, she handed me another piece of paper with an address of the courthouse.

“Be at this address at 9 am tomorrow. Your fate will be decided by a panel of your peers.”

The next day I showed up for my day in court. I walked into the courtroom and found a panel of “my peers” waiting in the jury box. My peers consisted of a middle-aged Auntie, a girl from Round the way, a militant black man, a baller and Big Mama.

They started firing questions at me almost immediately.

“Why is that Bougie sistas like you only go with those white boys.” That query came from the baller whose eyes were roaming shamelessly over my body.

Most black men look right past me anyway. I’m a mocha china with full African features. Guess, I am not what they are looking for. Everyone’s entitled to their preferences.

The young woman from around the way piped in with a question:

“Girl, why don’t you start using a Super Duper Relaxer. Then your hair would be all silky and straight.”

My hair is not meant to be silky straight. I use the bare minimum of chemicals because my hair is a natural mass of waves, kinks and sometimes curls. It’s not perfect, but it’s mine.

Then the militant Black man cut in with his question:

“Why are you always dissin’ our current Black Leaders? Are you too removed in your own world of privilege to reach out and lift up your people?”
Black Leadership these days is a joke. They are too busy posing for the camera and trying to get book and TV deals to lead anyone. I am a part of the Black community. I do my community service on a smaller scale. I have helped both young and older adults to fill out college applications and give them an encouraging word along their journey.

Big Mama made a statement on my behalf:

“I can’t believe we dragged this nice young lady into the courtroom for this nonsense. Her behavior isn’t adversely affecting our race at all.”

Auntie also piped in on my behalf:

“We have gangsters and wannabes who shoot up our neighborhoods. We have young women who are actively trollin’ for their next baby daddy and other black folks inflictin’ their bad behavior on the world at large. Where are they? Why aren’t they in this courtroom?”

I couldn’t have said it better myself. I was asked to leave the room, so that the panel could discuss my case.
After two hours, I was let back into the courtroom.

Big Mama stood up and declared:

“By order of this panel, we find the defendant not guilty and all of the citations will be expunged from your record. “

I smiled broadly and let out a grateful breath.

Auntie spoke:

“Keep up the good work young lady and I hope your maltreatment by us hasn’t negatively affected how you feel about bein’ Black.”

Don’t worry Auntie, nothing could do that. I say to myself as I turn to leave.

Sunday, December 11, 2011

The Good Woman Dialogues

(This is a continuation of Dialogues About Getting It Together.)

Bougie Girl:
Hello Maria. How's everything going?

I am good. Life is definitely interesting to say the least.

Bougie Girl:
How so?

Well, I am on somewhat of a speaking basis with Dan. I forgave him for his cowardly behavior in how he broke things off.

Bougie Girl:
That's definitely a step in the right direction.

Yeah, it wasn't easy at first. I was so hurt by how he just up and left without an explanation. I blamed myself for a long time.

Bougie Girl:
Why did you blame yourself?

I thought that if I were needier and more toxic that he would have stayed around. He admitted to me that he was used to dating women whom were anchorweights. That's never going to be me. I can stand on my own and at the same time be supportive of my man.

Bougie Girl:
Do you feel as though Dan just couldn't appreciate that about you?

Dan appreciated it about me but, I think that he resented it at the same time.

Bougie Girl:
When's the last time you heard from Dan?

I met him for lunch last week.

Bougie Girl:

We talked things out and I felt pretty good about our conversation.We both agreed that we still loved each other. He apologized profusely and I accepted his apology.

Bougie Girl:
Are you guys going to get back together?
Who knows? I know that I am not going to wait around for a man whom is unsure as to whether he wants to move on from his past. I am a good woman but, I just don't know if I am the right woman for Dan.

Bougie Girl: (cringes)
That's gotta be tough to deal with.

It is. Yet, acknowledging the possibility is freeing. I love him so much but, at the same time these are his issues. I can't love these issues out of his psyche. So, I just have to take a step back and start in a new direction. If it is meant to be then we will find one another on the path and it will work out.

Bougie Girl:
Very true. Sometimes, a rejection is the Universe's way of guiding us towards a healthier situation.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Honesty Monologue: This Is What Vulnerability Looks Like...

I am not afraid to tell the world about my heartache, show my triumphs, or share some wisdom which I have picked up along the way. However, I am not going to  wallow in tales of woe or misery in a public forum, because that's just not my style. The truth is that there are people out here in the world whom would love to have my problems.

I complain about my student loans but, there is someone out there whom would have loved the opportunity to graduate from college and attend a  year of  law school. I whine about my crazy hair but, there are plenty of  bald chemotherapy patients whom would love to have their own. I am exhausted from my working OT in my day gig but, in this economy their folks whom would love having even part-time job.

I refuse to apologize for the vast amount of inner strength which I rock on a daily basis. I have earned the right to hold my head up high through trials, unexpected tragedies, and pain which I have experienced.
I am constantly told to show my vulnerability more often. But, all you have to do is read this blog and listen to my  Bougie Girl Radio podcast to bear witness to my vulnerability.

Sunday, December 4, 2011

Bougie Girl Radio: Interview Slots Available in January 2012

I have a couple of interview  slots available in January 2012 my Bougie Girl Radio show.

I am interested in interviewing creative types, business owners, and others...

The interviews will take place on Saturdays @ 3 pm EST and run anywhere from 10 to 15 minutes.

Drop me a line at for more details.

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