I Am the One That Got Away Tote Bag by Bougie Girl Apparel
I am the "One That Got Away" aka "The Exception" aka the "Holy Grail" for my exes. I live on a pedestal in their mind. They have gingerly placed me there as a way to avoid experiencing true intimacy with their wives/significant others.
It still amazes me the way in which my exes return to me battle scarred from their latest relationship disaster with promises of new-found devotion. They seem to forget how they once vowed to never deal with a strong willed woman such as myself ever again.
Apparently, dealing with a straightforward woman is a refreshing change from the manipulative ones which they seemed so content to pursue. Alas, their appreciation for me arrived too late in the game. Once someone violates my trust,they no longer exist for me in the same way. I can feel love towards them but, the respect I once held for them is gone.
I want to meet a woman whom will love me and treat me with respect. I want woman whom will bring out the best in me. Someone whom I can be proud of.
Yet, I do not generally attract those type of women. I attract anchorweight chicks whom stalk me through out the day. They want me to validate their whole existence during every moment of the day. They drive me up the wall but, time and again, I seem to attract them.
The truth is that anchorweights are easy to find, simple to dispose of, and they are also interchangeable. I am in control of these anchorweight relationships and that was fine during my younger years.
However, now I am about a whole lot more than where the next party is and which movie is playing this weekend at the Cineplex. I want a woman that can match me on my intellectual level and is not afraid to call me out on my BS. I want woman that wants to be with me out of love and not financial necessity.
Mutha Hustla by Bougie Girl Apparel This T-shirt is dedicated to the ladies out there holdin' it down and stayin' on their grind! Life may get a little rough but, these ladies know how to handle themselves in any situation.
I don't want anyone to be happier, prettier, wealthier, or better off in anyway than I am. I have always been this way. However, over the years I have gotten really good at hiding my hater tendencies. My husband knows but, I have him so hemmed up that he won't dare say anything to me about it.
I want to change because my kids are in junior high and they are turning out to be a hater just like their mom.
I want more for them. My hateration has killed many of my friendships and now I am surrounded by "yes people" whom are petrified of pissing me off.
I cry myself to sleep because I know that this affliction has prevented me from being content with the blessings that I do have. My life is a living hell and now my kids are walking the same road and they refuse to listen to me about it.
"Mom, why is alright for you to hate on other people for what they have?"
The sad part is that I really don't have a good answer for t…
The losers I hang out with worship me. I am their fearless leader. Whenever we go out, all eyes are on me because well, I am the cream of this pathetic crop.
A while back one of my non loser associates from my childhood tried to help me move out of Loserville. I hung out with her a few times, but I didn't have any fun. For one thing, all of her friends were attractive and super together with their lives. They kept asking me questions about what I did for a living.
I am a clerk at a small company. Basically, I stamp envelopes all day. One of them told me that I should look into moving up to an administrative assistant position or some crap like that. It really pissed me off. Cuz, I like where I am in my career.
I work from 7 am to 4:30 pm Monday through Friday and I got no stress.
My friends all work fast food jobs and wear uniforms. They t…
I am on a one woman mission of sorts to end the tragedy of self-deception. In typical Bougie Girl fashion, I am turning on the lights and positioning the mirror so that we can all see what we look like tangled up in our own BS.
I am going to tackle tough topics such as: eating disorders, divorce (from the perspective of both spouses and the children), jacked up childhoods, obesity, chemical dependency, relationships (the good, the bad, and the Run like hell.), friendships, personal development, and unemployment just to name a few.
I have met so many great people along my path towards Enlightenment! My fellow journey walkers have definitely made this tough trek a lot more bearable for me. Sometimes, our paths diverge from one another either for a short or long-term basis. Perhaps, one of my fellow journey walkers has to traverse through the River of Sorrow, while I am supposed to scale the Mountain of Intimacy Issues. Eventually, we come back together on the path filled with stories of our respective adventures. We cheer each other on through the most difficult parts of the journey and offer up some tough love whenever necessary. We communicate through phone calls, texts, Facebook, and sometimes even face to face. (The method of communication varies dependent upon the individual journey walker's needs.) I want to thank all of my fellow journey walkers for being there for me. Your support has helped me through seriously rocky road. I look forward to many more adventures with you all.
In addition, clinging to the past keeps us tethered to our mistakes and missteps. It forces us to carry around perpetual feelings of shame or unworthiness about our previous missteps.
Hanging onto these negative feelings allows people from our past to manipulate, guilt, and/or harangue us into doing their bidding. We rationalize that our shared history gives them the right to disrespect our boundaries.
We fail to realize that shared history alone does not automatically equal love or mutual respect. We can honor our past, but we must not allow ourselves to be completely governed by it.
Exercise #1 Write down 5 people/situations from your past which you are still hanging on to.Write 5 reasons why you are still hanging onto these 5 people/situations.Has hanging onto the past adversely affecte…
Today's post is dedicated to World Food Day. Late last week, I registered with the Blog Action Day website to write a post involving food.
During my childhood, both of my parents drilled into me the importance of not wasting food.
My mother was very skilled at making casseroles out of odds and ends leftover from both the refrigerator and pantry.
In addition, she also used leftover hamburger and hot dog buns as the bread component of open-faced sandwiches. Remainder pieces of hard cheeses were either used in soups, salads, and/or served as an appetizer. Leftover fruit was chopped up and served with either chocolate or caramel on top.
Years later, I have put my mother's tutelage of cooking with odds and ends to work. As a result, I have created some of my best recipes from random leftover ingredients in my food larder.
For example, I once used chopped up pieces of lime as an ingredient in a brown rice and chicken dish. The lime spruced up the taste and brought a little …
Making Peace With The Past Aprons by Bougie Girl Apparel
Making peace with our past better aligns us to our present circumstances. Unresolved emotions from the past hold our present hostage and robs us of our future. These unresolved emotions manifest themselves as fast moving funnel clouds, which suck up all of our energy and leave us feeling drained.
As the years go by, we realize that our life has become a wasteland of broken dreams, worn out regrets, and faded memories from which we are unable to escape. Each time we make a new start, funnel clouds from our past swoop in and destroy every aspect of it.
We have to understand that we cannot let go or forgive the past until we make peace with ALL of it.
Use a journal or a notebook for the following exercise: Write down 5 actions from your past which you are seeking to make peace with. Exercise #2
Use a journal or a notebook for the following exercise:
Write down 5 ways in which unresolved issues from your past are interfe…
As I walk along this path, I see a door and it beckons to me. I have spent the past several months closing doors to my past. However, there is something different about this door. I can sense that walking across its threshold will not bring me to heartache or disappointment.
No, this door leads to the next chapter of my journey.
As I approach it, I take a deep breath and turn the handle...
How many times have you thought that your friendship or relationship was deeper than it actually was? I have fallen into the trap of attaching deep meaning to superficial associations. I blame my mind, because my heart is actually pretty no-nonsense when it comes to these things. Alas, my mind in all its infinite swirling can build castles out of pup tents and put a spin on almost anything. This past year, I have shattered a lot of illusions that I was carrying about the people around me. I had to downgrade the status of many people in my life from friend to acquaintance. In addition, I had to also admit that an infinitely charming significant other was pulling some seriously shady crap that I ultimately could not abide by. In my mind, I had likened these associations to sailing in a yacht on the ocean. However, in reality it turns out that I was merely splashing through puddles in a parking lot.
This white fence has come to symbolize stability for so many of us. We picture ourselves tucked safely behind it. The problems of the world dare not touch us behind this fence. Behind this fence, we can let our guard down and pretend that our lives are so much richer than those of our neighbors.
We dare not admit to ourselves or anyone else that our life behind this fence is not always so peachy keen. We do not utter a word about how our spouse is on the verge of leaving or that the kids are picking up on the bad vibes between Mommy and Daddy.
Instead, we host backyard barbecues, stress out over which baked goods to bring to the monthly fundraiser at church, and debate whether contacting our ex-flame on Facebook is really considered cheating.
Taking Ownership Bag by Bougie Girl
Taking ownership of our lives means that we no longer scapegoat other people for our problems or bad decisions. Owning up to our part in any situation empowers to move on with our lives. We cannot continue to blame our parents, significant others, children, exes, employers (past and present), and/or elected officials, for our unhappiness. Even though, their actions may have played a role in our less than satisfactory situation.
We cannot control other people and we cannot change the past. However, we can take ownership of our own actions and reactions towards others. Taking ownership frees up our hearts and minds to accept the positive things coming our way. In addition, it keeps the Loser Spirit at bay.
Answer the following questions:
Do you struggle to take ownership of your part in the situation? If so, why? If not, why?List out 5 past occurrences in which you did not take ownership of your part in the situation. Did the situation…
Building Self-Awareness Dinner Plate by Bougie Girl Apparel
Self-awareness is an important navigational instrument for overcoming the Loser Spirit. Without self- awareness, we stumble around needlessly looking for external factors to define us. Our careers, relationships, financial status, material goods, and/or physical appearance will not grant us self-awareness. Self-awareness comes to us via asking ourselves questions and giving honest answers.
Answer the following questions: What are 5 of your strengths and 5 of your weaknesses?What do enjoy doing in your spare time?Where would you live if money were not a factor?What motivates you?What is your biggest fear?What gives you the greatest amount of joy?How has the Loser Spirit impacted your life?Exercise #2
Answer the following questions:
What are 5 of your core values?Are you a people person or a loner?What traits do you look for in a friend?What traits do you look for in a significant other? Research Assignment
Yet, choosing not to heal, blocks us from experiencing love in its most authentic form.
In turn, we remain stuck in the unpleasant cycle of toxic relationships, self-sabotage, and chronic misery.
Detachment, distractions and denial all keep us tightly tethered to our pain.
The first step towards healing is to acknowledge and document both our past and present pain.
Exercise#1 Write down at least 3 ways in which you would like to heal. Exercise #2 Write down 3 reasons why you have decided to get on the path towards healing. Research Assignment
Plato's Allegory of the Cave
Song of the Day
Pachlbel's Canon in D major
I can't change my past, but I can choose to heal from it.
The chain link fence pictured in this post was not always rusty and crooked. Once upon a time it gleamed proudly and stood tall. Quite a change from the image here. Harsh elements and neglect are most likely the cause of its current condition.
My boundaries with certain people used to look just like this chain link fence. I kept telling myself that it was alright to let longtime associates disregard my boundaries. I surmised that our long association excused their bad behavior towards me and vice and versa.
These days, I am able to acknowledge that it is up to me to make sure that my boundaries with people do not end up damaged from neglect and corrosion.
I have spent the past couple of months blogging about the sheer destructiveness of the Loser Spirit.
Now, I am excited to finally discuss healing steps that we can all take to overcome it.
Below are 17 steps towards healing from the Loser Spirit: Making the decision to healBuilding self-awarenessTaking ownershipMaking peace with the pastLetting go of the pastSelf-forgivenessForgiving othersRemoving the negativity from your lifeFilling your life with positive peopleAsking for helpWriting about itPracticing mindfulnessSelf-acceptanceAllowing love to flow into your lifeStaying present in the momentEmbracing yourselfOutlining your life-long pursuits
The Loser Spirit is not going to leave us alone of its own accord. Yet, battling it on a daily basis will only serve to wear us down both emotionally and spiritually. In my experience, the most effective way to deal with the Loser Spirit is overcom…
Writing this particular post required me to face some not so pleasant truths about my own career path. I now realize that a majority of my career struggles were caused by my own Loser Spirit attitude. (Not an easy admission for anyone to make!)
I compiled this data using a very informal poll, personal observation, and my own career experiences.
(Please note that there are more than 5 ways in which the Loser Spirit can negatively impacts someone's career. However, for the purposes of this blogpost I have narrowed the list down to five.)
Below are the 5 main ways in which the Loser Spirit hurts someone's career:
I was strolling through the park last week, when my eye caught this arrow. I just had to snap a photo of it. This arrow symbolizes the direction in which I was supposedto go. At first glance, the arrow looks so official and more than a bit intimidating. However, upon further inspection, I noticed the arrow's faded appearance. At the end of the day, the arrow is just a harmless relic of what might have been. We all have stories of our own faded arrow. It is a worn out dream which needs to be relinquished, the dead relationship which we still clutch closely to our hearts, or the job which we have long outgrown. Occasionally, I glance upon my faded arrows, but I am careful not to let them distract me from my current journey.