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Thursday, September 29, 2011

The Freewriting Series: 5 Ways to Make Coupledom More Enjoyable

Coupledom is not always easy!
Let's face it, coupledom is not always easy. Sometimes, we are on the same wavelength as our partner and on other occasions it is almost as though we are from different galaxies.

However, at the end of the day, there is something comforting about being part of a healthy relationship.

Here are 5 ways for making coupledom more enjoyable:

1. Cherish both yourself and your partner.
2. Be willing to have your partner's back.
3. Don't let your physical appearance go.
4. Communicate. Communicate. Communicate.
5. Keep 3rd Parties out of your relationship!

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The Loser Spirit Series: When A Man Settles For Less Than What He Wants...

The Loser Spirit can create life long bonds of resentment and toxicity between two people. Especially, when one or both of the parties feels as though they settled for way less than what they wanted in a relationship or marriage. In this blogpost, I am discussing what happens when a man feels as though he has settled for less in a relationship. Please note that I am also working on a future blogpost about women whom settled for less than what they wanted in a relationship.


 When a man settles for less than what he wants in a woman, he is going to make her life a living hell. Whether he is trying to or not. Women are  intuitive by nature and instinctively know when they are not in a man's heart. Sure, a woman may use a little delusion and some hem up tactics to hold the relationship together...but, instinctively  she knows that she is in a killing time situation.
There are lots of different reasons why men settle for the first woman that comes along. Perhaps, she was standing there and he was ready to settle down. Or he was super insecure at the time and was willing to take the first woman whom said "Yes".
However, it does not really matter why he settled for less than what he wanted. Just know that he is probably not  going to stay in it for the long haul.

Some men will leave their "settled for" relationship, but  keep the door open for a possible temporary reconciliation. This is more out of familiarity than love for their settled for Ex.

The settled for Ex is something familiar to them. They need  to keep the settled for Ex on the string just in case it takes them longer than anticipated to upgrade. Plus, it gives him more time to review other options whilst the settled for Ex is still servicing his needs.

 Losing weight, finishing a degree, and getting her financial and emotional life together will still not make him stay. He still views the Ex as the same girl that  he settled for all those years ago.

After a man upgrades, he may become overwhelmed with the knowledge that his life is being opened up to a whole bunch new possibilities and that can be frightening to him.

It can also send him running back to his settled for Ex. But, he will not stay for long. He will stay until he feels more confident about himself and more worthy of the Upgrade.

The Upgrade may or may not take him back. However,  no matter what, he is  still not going to stay with the settled for Ex. He has experienced life with an Upgrade and there is no turning back for him after that.

If you find yourself in the position of the settled for Ex, realize that if you take him back you are setting yourself up as a life-long default option for him.

Do you really want to live as someone's default option?

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

The Frenemies Series: An Open Letter to Entitlement


In my earlier posts in the Frenemies series, I discussed Delusion, Insecurity, Neediness, and Hateration. Writing about these Frenemies forced me to be mindful about not allowing them to creep back into my own life. I struggle with keeping them at bay as much as the next person. 

Dear Entitlement,

Do you remember me?  I was the little black girl with crazy hair and a wacky home life. Yeah, I used to work really hard in school and I rarely got recognized for being intelligent.  Somehow, I did manage to get through college and even a disastrous year of law school. You told me that everything would be alright if I just remembered that no one deserved success more than I did. You convinced me that I was entitled to always get my way to make up for all of the times in which I was wronged in the past.
I recall that you assisted in getting me fitted for the chip that I had firmly lodged in my shoulder after years of being scapegoated during college and the early years of my career. A few years ago, I had the chip removed because I found that it was doing me more harm than good. After the chip was removed, I noticed that I began winning awards in my career. Coincidence? Probably not.

Enough about me. I am really worried about the message that you are sending our young people. You are telling them that the world owes them something because they are here. This is not good for our society as a whole.  Kids need to develop a strong work ethic no matter  their socio-economic class. Otherwise, they turn into lazy a** adults whom expect to be constantly bailed out of all their messes by their family.

I also take issue with how you are encouraging women to live la vida delusional when it comes to relationships. Why are you telling them that they are entitled to be loved and cherished no matter how nasty and manipulative they act towards their significant others? In addition, you are also not doing the men any favors by telling them that their rakish behavior still entitles them to have a good woman by their side.

Your scheming and plotting is making it easier for The Loser Spirit to invade households where innocent children reside. Shame on you for that!

In closing, I would like to offer you a less than good natured warning. Stay away from me Entitlement. You and I ain't homies anymore.


Bougie Girl


The Loser Spirit Series: Children and the Loser Spirit
The Loser Spirit: 11 Characteristics Found in Loser Spirit Relationships

Sunday, September 25, 2011

The Freewriting Series: Creative Outlets

Today, I am challenging all of my social media friends to create their own works art and share them with others.

But, Bougie Girl I am not really an artistic type!

Oh, but you are... art is in the eye of the beholder. Jewelry-making, taking pictures, scrapbooking, blogging, painting, sewing, sculpting, etc.  these all count as works of art.

No more excuses! Take a break from texting your FWB, pause from Facebook stalking your ex's new significant other, and/or step away from cultivating your Farmville estate for just a little awhile.

Take deep breath and create a work of art.

Seriously, if we are creating something, we have less time to take part in psychodrama, ruminate on a less than perfect past, numb ourselves via retail therapy, and/or any other BS  which we engage in to avoid personal growth.

Just a thought!

Saturday, September 24, 2011

The Freewriting Series: What Am I Bringing to the Table?

We want to raise our  vibration level. Yet, we are constantly putting ourselves in situations which guarantee that our  vibration level will never rise. It is tempting to blame those "losers" around us  for our  lack of prospects.

But, we must ask ourselves the following question...

"What am I bringing to the table?"

Honestly, answering the above mentioned question will place us on a path towards self-awareness.

However, please note that self-awareness is not for the faint of heart.


Tuesday, September 20, 2011

The FreeWriting Series: Downward Slide

During the past week or so, I have stumbled a bit on my path towards Enlightenment.

Admittedly, I fell into a temporary haze of self-pity with just  dash of resentment. I kept thinking about my miscarriage and how unjust it was that my pregnancy did not make it to full-term.

 I know plenty of moms whom partied during their younger days and were still able go on to have healthy pregnancies.  I have never been a huge drinker, never even tried illegal drugs, yet I was  unable to carry my baby full-term.

I also thought about all those drugged out/drunk moms whom are able to sustain their pregnancies. Next, I ruminated on those parents whom use their kids as weapons and commodities against each other. 

Several times during the past week, I felt the sting of tears burn my eyes as I thought about how hard I worked to keep my baby- to-be safe and out of a drama filled environment. 

It is hard not to take my miscarriage as a personal slap from God.Yet,  I am a woman of faith and I know that God has a plan for me  that does not include being a mother, right now. I believe that in the not-to distant future my prayer to carry a baby will be granted. If by some chance that it is not, then I have no problems adopting or being a foster mom.

From time to time, I envision that my little angel (Alexandra Kathleen, Ally Kat for short) is in heaven with her Grandpa  James listening to a Twins baseball game playing on some static filled AM radio station.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

The Freewriting Series: Closing the Door

We all reach a point when we must close the door on people and things whom are dragging us down and no longer serving our needs in a positive fashion.

Though, these endings are sad, closing the door enables us to minimize the damage to our overall well-being.
Earlier this year, I had to close the door on a future that was no longer applicable to me. It was painful, but at the same time the experience brought me to a higher understanding of myself and others.

I am now more cognizant of what my emotional needs are in a relationship. If I had allowed the door to stay open, then disrespect and resentment would have camped out it in my emotional living room. Those two would have taken turns making me feel worse about an already dysfunctional situation. Better just to close the door and step away from it. 

Saturday, September 17, 2011

The Loser Spirit Series: Leaving Our Childhood Behind


In my previous posts about The Loser Spirit, I discussed how it affects our relationships, children, and overall well-being. The Loser Spirit  comes to us during our childhood and creates strife, pain, and inhibits our personal growth.

Unfortunately, the Loser Spirit also follows us into adulthood  through the following behaviors:

1. Making poor life choices to get back at our family
2. Sacrificing our own happiness in order to prove our family  wrong
3. Blaming our parents for everything that went wrong in our lives
4. Tailoring our lives in order to live up to our family label
5. Constantly seeking approval and validation from our parents 
6. Continuously expecting our  parents to bail us out of trouble

1. Making poor life choices to get back at our family
The Loser Spirit encourages us  to avenge our past unhappiness  by making ill-advised and sometimes downright dangerous decisions. It tells us that rockin' some supremely self-destructive behavior is the best way to  exact revenge on our family. By doing so, we can use our poor judgement to hold our family emotionally hostage for years to come. Yet, in the long run  we are the primary ones suffering from our multiple scrapes with the law, chemical dependency,  relationship psychodrama, and/or financial disasters.
2. Sacrificing our own happiness in order to prove our family wrong
As children, we are labeled very early on by our families. Unfortunately, these family labels follow us from childhood into adulthood.  The Loser Spirit advises us to waste a lot of time trying to debunk our family label. As a result, we embrace careers, relationships, and/or philosophies just because we want to rebel against our label. In the long run, we sacrifice personal contentment and create a ton of strife just to prove our family wrong.

3. Tailoring our lives in order to live up to our family label
On the flipside, some of us are so invested in living up to our family label that we base our decisions on staying within the parameters of it. We do not even stop to think as to whether our family label even suits anymore or if it did in the first place. Years go by, and we are very dissatisfied with the path associated with living up to our family label. This can create an undercurrent of bad feelings and resentment towards your family, which  further feeds into the Loser Spirit.  

4. Blaming our family for everything that went wrong in our lives
The Loser Spirit  revels in us never accepting responsibility for our actions. Instead, it points out how others have caused us to fail. The Loser Spirit points out all those times in which our family let us down. 
We stay so focused on  scapegoating our family that we do not realize that time is sliding past us.
Before we know it, the Loser Spirit has robbed us of both a present and a future.

5. Constantly seeking approval and validation from our family 
Our  family is  not going to agree with all of our choices. Getting angry with our family when they disagree with our life choices is a recipe for burnin' a lot of unnecessary daylight. In addition, this less than mature behavior can keep us emotionally glued to our childhood.  

6. Continuously expecting our family to bail us out of trouble
We are adults. Why should our family be expected to bail us out of every financial scrape?  Life happens, and we all have to ask for help at some point. However, always running to our  family for every little crisis which pops up is borderline abusive to them. Why should our family have to pay the price our perpetual irresponsibility?

Failing to acknowledge, make peace with, and/or move on from the painful parts of our childhood gives the Loser Spirit the opportunity to hitchhike into relationships with our children, spouses/significant others, friends, co-workers, and the world at large.

As adults, we have a responsibility to both work through and grow from the pain of our childhood. 

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

The Freewriting Series: Alleyways

Recently, I arrived to the alleyway portion of my journey.  In order for me to reach the other side, I am going to leave the emotional baggage at the entrance.

This is not as easy as I thought it would be.  My emotional baggage has been a dear friend to me.

I am not sure that I could leave it all behind forever.

I wonder if there is like a locker which I can place it all into for now.

Perhaps, I could send for it once I get settled onto my new path.

What if I take the long way around the alley?

I could distract myself for awhile by getting caught up in someone else's psychodrama. 

In addition, I could use their jacked up life to justify not focusing on my own.

As a result, I would not even have to go through that scary looking alleyway to continue on my journey.

Sounds like a plan...

Monday, September 12, 2011

The Free Writing Series: Hiding Places

What are you hiding from?
Sometimes, it is necessary to hide from the world.  
However, we cannot permanently reside in a hiding place.  
Doing so, will only serve to stunt our spiritual growth.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

The Loser Spirit Series: The Hem-Up Relationship

Hemming a man up is not the same as being loved by him...
Women use hem-up tactics as a way of controlling the overall course of a relationship. (Now, to be fair there are a lot of men out there trying to hem up women as well, but that is a subject for another blogpost.) Hemmers use threads of manipulation, mind gaming, and guilt to draw the other person aka the Target closer to them.

They make promises and spout off grand plans as another way to lure the Target into their web. Underneath all of the smoke and mirrors, the Hemmer does not have a lot to offer someone in a relationship.
The Hemmer chooses her Target very carefully. Generally, she is at least one or two vibrational levels below the him. However, usually the Target has a shaky or non-existent relationship with his family, has very few friends, and  issues with low self-esteem. The above-mentioned factors make it easier for the Hemmer to stitch him closer to her.

In essence, the Hemmer creates a toxic "love quilt" which centers all around the Target. She is doing this in the hopes that he will make his whole world about her as well. Yet, this  never seems to happen to her satisfaction. The Hemmer is rarely happy, because she knows that her relationship with the Target is on borrowed time.

A majority of the time, Targets are not innocent parties in this situation. They actually hold a majority of control in this type of relationship.  A hem-up relationship for the Target is a way to kill time while they are getting established in the world. Once, the Target gets himself together, usually he leaves the Hemmer high and dry for someone on his same vibrational level.

After the Target breaks off their relationship, the Hemmer begins plotting for a way draw them back into the relationship. The Hemmer may manufacture drama involving  their children, health, finances, anything that will get the Target's attention.

The Target does return every so often  to receive an ego boost from the Hemmer. But, he only stays around long enough to inflate the Hemmer's hopes a bit to keep her hanging onto the dream of a reconciliation.

 Her obsession with the Target makes him feel more like a worthwhile person. Yet, as the years go on, the ego boosts he receives from being around her becomes less potent. He comes to realize that he has wasted several years being stuck in a hem-up situation with her.
The Target has a difficult time breaking the Loser Spirit bonds with  the Hemmer.  His association with the  Hemmer, although toxic, has become a dysfunctional, yet familar source of comfort to him.  

For all of you Hemmers out there, I know that you probably did not have a role model to show you what healthy love looks like. Your hem-up maneuvers are done more out fear of being abandoned and lack of self love than malice. However, you must accept that hem-up maneuvers will not force the Target to magically fall in love with you. The attention which you are receiving from him  has more to do with his own insecurities than your constant conjuring up of psychodrama.

I realize that you have been emotionally beaten down by a less than idyllic past, but at the same time you must take responsibility for the present time. The best way to do this is to give up the Hemmer lifestyle and concentrate on both respecting and loving yourself.

However, if it is more important for you to remain in an eternal emotional tug-o-war with the Target, then by all means keep on hemmin' your love quilt o'dysfunction. Just do not be surprised when your hemming does not produce any positive results for your self-respect. 

For all of you Targets out there, I understand the lure of the Hemmer. She is brilliant at making you believe that she has the power to take away all of your past and present hurts. Hemmers tell you what you want to hear as a way to soothe your ego and to distract you from her anchorweightness. You know that she is full of BS, but that broken part of you needs to perceive her as being more than who she really is.

Still, there is no excuse to treat someone in a disrespectful manner, even if they are  manipulative and making your life a miserable hell. You have to take responsibility and ownership for the fact that you agreed to play a part in the hem-up relationship. If you are going to stay, then you need to be respectful. If you are unable to do so, then WALK AWAY! Keep on walking, do not even bat an eye at her manufactured psychodrama.

Boomeranging back to her, even for a brief ego boost prevents you from experiencing the successful life partnership which you truly seek. 

Life is too short to stay caught up in relationships and situations which are toxic for the mind, body, and spirit.

September 11, 2001--Ten Years Later...

Through the smoke, grief, and pain...our flag was still there.

I watched the initial crash of the airplane into the first tower and I almost choked on my breakfast. I immediately jumped up out of my chair. My adrenaline was pumping. Someone had to help those people trapped inside the building!

But, it was not going to me because I was sitting in a conference room in a law firm located in the suburbs of Minneapolis, MN.

Just ten minutes before, I was complaining about how much I detested living in Minnesota and how unfair life was for me. My earlier words were forgotten as soon as that first plane hit the tower.

I spent the next few hours emailing my friends on the Eastern seaboard and anyone else whom I knew regularly travelled for business.  Thankfully, all of my friends were safe.

Ten years later, my life is completely different from before. I am now living on the East Coast which makes the 9/11 anniversary even more poignant. 

Friday, September 9, 2011

Free Writing: My Shadow Side

My shadow side can be very demanding and impatient. I used to let her run my life. She caused a lot of damage to my friendships and relationships She meant well...most of the time.  It took many years for me to gather up the strength to call my shadow side out on her BS.

She did not take the initial confrontation well. However, she did at least acknowledge her obnoxious behavior and somewhat agreed to not be so harsh on other people.

Currently, my shadow side is enjoying a long hiatus. Perhaps, my daily blogging coupled with all of the overtime I have been working in my day gig has permanently settled her down . One can only hope...

Thursday, September 8, 2011

Free Writing Series: Finding Solace in Nature

I snapped this photo on a breezy Sunday morning before the beginning of a church service.

This morning, my mother was admitted to the hospital.  For about an hour this morning, I fought off a heavy stream of tears. A few months back, my father passed away. Losing my father was difficult. I just do not even want to imagine losing my mother right now.

My mother has struggled with various illness over the years and has always managed to bounce back. In fact, she has rarely let illness stop her from enjoying her life.

This morning during my near crying jag, I scrolled through my camera and found this photo. As I gazed upon it, I felt a calm come over me. The tree is standing so steady through the strong breeze. During this scary time,  I am envisioning myself as the tree in the photo.

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Free Writing Series: Other People's Burdens

The mini-boulders pictured here represent the burdens of other people.

How many of us are dragging around burdens which do not belong to us in the first place?

How many times can we apologize to our loved ones for their crappy childhoods?

Why do we have to pay the price because our significant other experienced a toxic relationship in the past?

Why is it up to us to hide our light under a bushel, to make other people feel comfortable?

Recently, I made the decision to remove all burdens from my knapsack that do not belong to me.

Carrying the burdens of others brought my anxiety level up and my creativity down. I am not willing to sacrifice my creativity nor my mental well-being to drag around someone else's burdens.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Stepping Stone Associations


A stepping stone association consists of two people entering into an alliance to support one another whilst pursuing their own individual goals. 

Below are the key components of stepping stone associations:

1. Both parties share a goal of taking their game to the next level.
2. There is an agreed upon expiration date.
3. Both parties are willing to put in the work to achieve their shared goal.

A stepping stone association can quickly turn into a Loser Spirit situation, if  one of  the participants  refuses to pull their own weight or tries to "hem up" the other party into extending the expiration date.

For example, let's say that you are a college dropout whom is working in a dead-end job. You want to finish your degree, but you are barely scraping by as it is. Meanwhile, your  friend receives a job promotion which requires them to move out of state. They have no other friends or associates in the area. Your friend offers to pay your room and board, if you relocate with them. 

This is a great deal for the both of you. Your friend has the opportunity to concentrate on their career mobility, while still having  a trusted ally in close proximity. You get to  finish your college degree without having to hold down a full-time job. You agree to the initial arrangement, but in the back of your mind you are plotting ways to turn it into a more permanent situation.

The first six months of this arrangement goes along wonderfully. Your friend is doing well at work and you are excelling in school. However, as graduation looms closer, your anxiety grows. 
 It dawns on you that once you graduate from school and get a job, that your very comfortable stepping stone association with your friend will end. The prospect of having to pay your own way again does not appeal to you at all.

You begin plotting and scheming for a way to extend your stepping stone situation. You drop half your classes in an effort to delay your graduation. In addition, you refuse to attend campus job fairs or do anything else that could possibly accelerate the end of the stepping stone association.

Your plan backfires and your friend informs you that they are going to be transferred to another state within the next six months. You are not invited to move with them this time. You barely manage to graduate  from college before your  friend relocates for their new job.

Yet, you hold bitter feelings towards your friend for "abandoning" you. In turn, your friend is upset with you for trying to manipulate them into extending the stepping stone situation past its mutually agreed upon expiration date.

Stepping stone situations can be very beneficial for both parties involved. However, they must mutually agree upon the terms of the stepping stone situation and respect them.

Monday, September 5, 2011

The Latest News...

Currently, I am working on the final installment of  "The Frenemies Series". I started the series because I observed that so many of us were being ruled by Insecurity, Neediness, Delusion, Hateration, and Entitlement. I saved the most difficult post write for last. Writing about Entitlement makes me feel kind of weird. I never ever thought of myself as having an issues with Entitlement...until I researched it further and realized that perhaps I do. (I will go into that more in the upcoming blogpost for Entitlement.)

Meanwhile, "The Loser Spirit Series" has taken over my a good way. It has made me more aware of the Loser Spirit beliefs and bonds which have held me back over the years. The complex dynamic associated with the Loser Spirit makes it necessary for me to go through the process of naming its key components before offering up solutions. The impulsive Aries side of my nature wanted to make this series short and to the point. However, my logical side talked me into taking the necessary time to let the series fully run its course.

I have also decided to create a new dimension to this blog by adding the following regular features:

1. "The Freewriting Series"
This  new series will feature short stories, prose, dialogues, prose, and anecdotes.

2. "Bougie Girl in the Kitchen"
I am bringing pictures and stories about my latest adventures in the kitchen.

In addition, I am in the process of switching my Facebook page  from A.R. Alexander to  Bougie Girl.
Stay tuned for more blogging and thanks for your support!

Sunday, September 4, 2011

The Frenemies Series: Hateration Ain't Thinkin' 'Bout You!

In my previous Frenemies blogposts, I discussed the  different ways in which Delusion, Insecurity, and Neediness can wreak havoc in your life. This edition of the Frenemies series, explores the jacked up world of Hateration. 


Have you ever actively sabotaged or discouraged the dreams of someone else because you did not want them to be more successful than you?  Does a feeling of resentment wash over you each time you hear about someone else's success?

Answering "Yes" to one or both of the above-mentioned questions could signify that you walking the path of Hateration.

Hateration is dependent on its minions to spew out negative energy towards the success of others. Its sole purpose in life is to discourage personal growth and success one person at time. Hateration also works closely with Insecurity to destroy your ability to produce anything constructive.  

Generally, people turn to Hateration for the following reasons:

1. Fear of  pursuing their own dreams
Underneath all of their vitriolic resentment,  a majority of Haters are cowards. Haters are too afraid to pursue their own dreams. They know firsthand how Hateration loves to slap successful people down.
Instead of fleeing Hateration with the quickness, they use it to destroy other folks in the hopes of bringing themselves up to a higher level.
2. Bitterness about their own failures
Failure happens to everyone at some point. However, some folks use their own failure as an excuse to to actively hate on or even sabotage others. Hateration encourages you to wield your bitterness about your failures as a weapon against folks pursuing their dreams.

3. Laziness
Haters claim to want success, yet they are nowhere to be found when it is time to put in the work.   Hateration instructs you  that hard work is for chumps. It also tells you that it is more important to present a facade of accomplishment via expensive designer brands, name-dropping, and posing rather than to actually work towards authentic success.

4. Feeling slighted by the successful person
Perhaps, once upon a time, the hater and the successful person were in business together. After the partnership ended, the successful person's star rose even higher. Meanwhile, the hater feels as though they were screwed over by the successful person. Now, the hater is bitter and trying to trash the reputation of the successful person. Whether or not the successful person did screw over the hater is not the point. Hateration wants you to  burn even more daylight  by obsessively ruminating and plotting revenge against  the successful person. As a result, you sacrifice your own dreams in pursuit of settling an old score.

 Remember, you are a pawn in Hateration's overall chess game.

 Do you think that after you sabotage someone  that Hateration will be there to help you process your feelings of shame and guilt?

 Heck, no!

Will Hateration defend you to those whom you have destroyed as a result of your hatin'?


Hateration ain't thinkin' 'bout you. It is off to the next minion to brainwash.

Saturday, September 3, 2011

The Loser Spirit Series: The Self-Loather and the Scapegoat


The Loser Spirit loves bringing toxic folks together to form a very unholy union. This really applies to the joining of the self-loather and the scapegoat. In my observation, the self-loather and the scapegoat are two sides of the same coin.  Both of them are carrying a truckload of self-hate towards themselves. They just express it in distinctly different ways.
Every successful self-loather needs a proper scapegoat  to blame all of their problems on. The self-loather chooses a scapegoat whom is a less evolved version of themselves.
This gives the self-loather the bonus of disliking themselves, while still getting to feel better than someone else. It is just like a dysfunctional  2-for-1 special!

The Loser Spirit reminds you on a daily basis just how sub par your scapegoat is in comparison to you. 
You in turn, treat them accordingly. You set up elaborate mind games to confuse your scapegoat. You treat them poorly for the first three weeks out of the month. During the final week of the month, you act loving and considerate. 

Your well choreographed actions gives the scapegoat a nugget of hope that perhaps you do treasure them after all.  They become even more pliant to your demands because they believe doing so will result in better treatment from you. Yet, the scapegoat never quite realizes that they are a temporary pawn in your game. After you have wrung every ounce of self-respect from the scapegoat, you move on to a fresher target.

Self-loathers, I am well aware that is difficult to handle all of the dark swirling emotions which cause you to lash out at your scapegoat of the moment. Most likely, you still have not forgiven yourself for your past mistakes and poor decisions. Do you want to stop disliking yourself so much? Do you long for inner peace? If not, continue rockin' your cycle of scapegoats whom you hold no respect for! Complain to everyone about the general ineptitude of your scapegoat. Then, sit back and let the temporary rush of superiority wash over you.

However, if you are tired of hating yourself all the time, it is your responsibility to remove yourself from the path of self-loathing. Destroying someone else's emotional well-being does not eradicate your own self-loathing in the long run.

2. The Scapegoat
Wanna know the secret to being a truly awesome scapegoat? You have to associate with folks whom value you even less than you do.

Being a scapegoat is truly a thankless job. You take all of the blame and rarely get any credit for how "helpful" you are to the self-loathers of the world. Being a good scapegoat means that you are no longer allowed to value nor respect yourself. But, if you allow yourself to be a scapegoat all of the time, then self-worth and self-respect are most likely not known factors in your world in the first place.

The Loser Spirit wants you to stay heavily associated with self-loathers. It will advise a scapegoat to stay attached to a self-loather. The Loser Spirit preys on your  deeply ingrained feelings of inadequacy  and reassures you that the self-loather is really your savior in disguise.
You are constantly telling your friends and family that things with the self-loather are not so bad. You lie to yourself by saying that you are really the one in control. As long as you keep the self-loather happy, they will eventually realize how great you are and treat you accordingly. However, more than likely you are just a stepping stone to them.

Scapegoats, I know that you are probably accustomed to  being treating poorly. Being blamed for everything in your mind is not so bad. At least the self-loather is paying attention to you. Any attention is better than nothing. You constantly give the self-loather money, lend out your car, make excuses for them, and  permanently hand over the keys your self-respect.

However, you have to realize that the self-loather is not going to ever truly cherish you.  They are constantly on the hunt for a higher quality scapegoat.

Is being the "number one, go to" scapegoat more important than your self-respect?  If it is, by all means rock your scapegoat/victim status to the hilt! Tell everyone about how mean the self-loather is to you. Give your loved ones play-by-play anecdotes of their cruelty towards you.
However, if you are tired of being used and abused, it is your responsibility to walk away from the self-loather. You are in essence choosing between being treated as the proverbial gum under someone else's shoe or your own self-respect.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Symbol of Luck and Love

I snapped a photo of this ladybug last weekend during a park outing with a friend. The ladybug is a symbol of both luck and love. I took its unexpected appearance as a sign that both of these symbols will make an appearance on my path very soon.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

The Loser Spirit Series: A Different Approach

In a majority of my blogposts, I identify the different scenarios associated with a problem and afterwards I list out possible solutions. However, I am choosing to handle things differently with regard to the Loser Spirit Series. I am naming the problem and its various scenarios, but I am holding off on offering up solutions to it. Exorcising the Loser Spirit from one's life is a complex process. I want to show readers the various ways in which the Loser Spirit is cheating them out of contentment and inner peace.

I figure that way someone can make a more informed choice about whether they want to keep the Loser Spirit in their life. For some folks, the Loser Spirit is the only friend  whom they can trust. They are alright with staying emotionally stunted and blaming others for all of their problems. No matter how much the Loser Spirit robs them of a contented life, they cannot bear to evict it from their life.

I am wishing them luck on their life journey.

But, for those folks whom are tired of dragging this emotional parasite around, I am here for you. The next Loser Spirit blogposts will discuss how it plays a  huge role in our self-loathing,  how it influenced our own childhoods and the way in which it currently affects our careers. Afterwards, I am going to bring out the solutions. Please note that exorcising the Loser Spirit from one's life is an arduous process. The first 90 days of the process are the toughest.

However, kicking the Loser Spirit to the curb allows more room in our lives to love and be loved.


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