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Showing posts from November, 2011

Last Day of NaBloPoMo

I feel just like the tree in this photo. My  proverbial leaves have all fallen away and I am left with nothing else to give.  Perhaps, that last statement was a little over the top. But, nevertheless, this 30 days of straight blogging took a toll on me. I blogged for the entire month of August but, that was different because it was summertime and life was a lot more leisurely. Currently, I am in the midst of lots of church activities, holiday parties, and working on a daily podcast.

Honestly, I can't even complain about my crazy schedule. Sure, it was a lot quieter last November but that was also a sorrow-filled time for me. Thankfully, my life has expanded for the better since then.

It's a good feeling to accomplish a goal. Especially, when the path towards said goal was filled with obstacles.

Bougie Girl Biz Talk: 13 Change Your Outlook Podcasts

13 Change Your Outlook Podcasts by Bougie Girl Apparel

"The five people you spend most of your time with will dictate how far your life & career will go."
~Will Smith 

The above-mentioned quote  which has long been attributed to Will Smith is right on the money. 

Alas, there are times in which we are forced to deal with negative and trifling people. Still, that does not mean that we have to adopt their negative viewpoints. Instead, we can opt to fill our lives with more positivity via podcasts. 

As I stated on the"Setting Yourself Up For Success" episode on Bougie Girl Radio, podcasts are a great learning tool. MP3 players range in cost from around $30 to over $200. 

Below are 13 podcasts which have brought me a new perspective on life, business, and relationships.

Steve MaraboliSnap Out of ItWealthy SistasPam Perry, PR CoachRelationship RXMixergyYour Dream Life with the Queen of DreamsThe Successful Life MindsetMy Kick A** Dream LifeThe Accidental CreativeThe Smar…

A Real Man Knows A Real Woman When He Sees Her...


Whenever you are with the wrong man, he will punish you for being beyond his measure. In his eyes,  your strong moral fiber and having your life together are direct insults to his manhood.

Ladies, a real man will not you treat this way.  He will  step up to your level or let you go.

A real man not only knows a real woman when he sees her...he also treats her with honor and respect.

What I Want In A Man...

I have been using the law of attraction in all aspects of my life with exception of the arena of romantic relationships. Today, I have made the decision to use the law of attraction to manifest a committed relationship which will lead to marriage.

Below is a list of what I am looking for in a man:
I want a man secure enough in himself to  honor a submissive yet, highly capable woman.I want a man whom is handlin' his spiritual business and any past baggage (i.e. kids, exes, and/or childhood stuff). I want a man whom is emotionally available and open to both give and receive love.I want a man who is ready for committed relationship (sans head games) which will eventually lead to marriage and a family.I want a man whom can appreciate both the goofball and brainiac sides of my personality.
Now, that this list is out in the Universe. I am going to keep my mind open and my heart filled with love.

I promise to keep y'all posted!

Honesty Monologue: Airport Lounges

Every day, people shuffle through airport lounge areas toting their depression, anxiety, wistfulness, and cynicism with them. For some morbid reason, this whacked out energy is just what I need to stimulate the writing muse.

Freewriting Series: Widgets, Widgets, Everywhere!

I have been dipping my toe into the land of the widgetry. So far, the results have been rather mixed. Some of my blogposts contain multiple listings of the same widget. Rest assured, this was not done to make a creative statement but, more out of lack of widget knowledge.
(Please note that I am actively working on correcting these irregularities.)
Lately, I have returned to back to the land of the steno pad. Granted, this low-tech writing gadget does not allow me to "undo" my typos with the click of a mouse.  However, the steno pad does not require a power cord and it is super portable. 

Honesty Monologue: Staying Sane During The Holidays

Staying Sane During The Holidays by Bougie Girl Apparel
It's Thanksgiving and you are either still blissfully asleep, frantically preparing for today's meal, or a combination of both. Last minute changes, annoying relatives, uncooperative spouses, whiny kids, and exhaustion have all taken its toll on your sanity.

You are on the verge of a serious meltdown. Stop. Take a few deep breaths and step out of the kitchen. Remind yourself about the true meaning of Thanksgiving. I promise you that ten Thanksgivings from now, no one will remember that the mashed potatoes were too salty or that the pumpkin pie came out a little mushy.

Today is all about being thankful for the blessings which we have in this life.

 Let's remember that when family members and other houseguests are tap dancing all over our last nerve.

Happy Thanksgiving, y'all!

Freewriting Series: I Made A Wish On The Moon

Freewriting Series: No Longer Applicable

I used to keep a majority of my gifts locked away behind closed doors. Sure, I may have showboated a little at a random karaoke night or had my articles published in a local newspaper.

Yet, there was a block which prevented me from rockin' out on a consistent basis.
I am happy to report that the sign pictured here no longer applies to my life.

Bougie Girl in the Kitchen: Toga Party Game Night!

This past Saturday, I had a blast kickin' it with friends playing board games, laughing, and of course munching down on some tasty snacks. I kept my food contribution simple with a bit of a kick.
Ingredients 1/4 pound of sliced Turkey 1 tbsp of Extra Virgin Olive Oil 1 tbsp Balsamic vinegar 8 slices of bagel thins 8 slices of Provolone cheese (or 4 slices torn in half) Cracked black pepper

Pour the tbsp of Extra Virgin Olive Oil into a small sized sauce pan over a medium flame. Heat for 3 minutes. Place the turkey into the pan and stir in the Balsamic vinegar. Cook for and additional 3 minutes. Remove the turkey from the pan and place on a paper-towel lined plate to drain. Sprinkle cracked black pepper over the turkey.
Next, pre-heat the oven to 350 degrees. Brush on Extra Virgin Olive Oil onto the bagel slices.  Place  the  Provolone cheese slices on top of the bagel thins. Place the bagel thins on a foil lined cookie sheet and bake for 5-7 minutes.
Remove the cookie sheet from the oven. …

Freewriting Series: The Bell of Clarity

The bell of clarity is tolling for  us. It sees us trying so hard to start a new life.

The bell of clarity knows that underneath our struggles and strife that we are good people.

We just became confused  along the way. We trusted the wrong people and chased the wrong things.

We got caught up in our own self-deception and now we must turn our eyes towards the truth.

Bougie Girl Apparel: I'm Just Sayin'

I'm Just Sayin'... by Bougie Girl Apparel

I'm just sayin' that we can all learn from our pasts. I'm just sayin' that  loving and valuing ourselves has nothing to do with our dating status or lack thereof. I'm just sayin' that if our heart isn't into someone then stepping away from them is the best course of action. I'm just sayin' that letting go of the past enables us to enjoy the present. I'm just sayin' that we cannot be perpetually manipulated without our consent. I'm just sayin' that we should be able to rock our intelligence in a respectful manner without being rebuffed by anyone. I'm just sayin' that the people with whom we surround ourselves are a good indicator of how we feel about ourselves. I'm just sayin' that life is too short to get caught up in any type of psychodrama.

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Freewriting Series: I Have Crazy Hair. And. So. What.

My hair has a mind of its own. It always has and it always will. Sometimes, people stare at me in awe because of the sheer wildness of my hair.

Fortunately, I made peace with my hair years ago.

Ironically, the people whom seemed most offended at my crazy hair are other Black women.

Especially, those whom are rockin' weaves. Several years ago, a  Sista, (whom I did not know)  sashayed up to me ( bouncing weave and all) and advised me to spend more money on better quality extensions.

After I informed her that the craziness on top of my head was actually my hair, her original look of horror turned to envy.  She then proceeded to reach over and tug on my hair to make sure that I was telling the truth.

Once, satisfied that I was indeed being truthful...she tossed me an evil look and stalked off in the opposite direction.

Once she was out of earshot, I let out a huge belly laugh at the absurdity of the entire situation. I wondered how she would have felt had I advised her to embrace …

Honesty Monologue: I Am A Cougar-In-Training

Cougar-In-Training by Bougie Girl Apparel

I am not a cougar per se. But, I am inching ever so closer to 40. A few years ago, I would have never dreamt of dating a man more a few years younger than myself. However, these days I am finding that men closer to my own age have a lot of baggage and drama attached to them. Now, I can finally appreciate the allure of dating a younger man.

Would a younger man appreciate my  inner strength and not view it as a threat?

It might be fun to find out...

Subscribe to Bougie Girl Radio on iTunes!

I am happy to announce that Bougie Girl Radio is now available on iTunes!

Each 30 minute podcast is filled with inspirational and sometimes musings from the Bougie Girl herself.

Subscribe today!

Honesty Monologue: Cliques Suck!

CLIQUES SUCK! by Bougie Girl Apparel

Cliques set my teeth on edge. It's not the whole exclusivity aspect of them that bothers me so much. It's the fact that a group of people take it upon themselves to treat others outside of their circle like crap.

I have dealt with mean girl cliques for most of my life. 

I just ignore them and whenever they raise up on me...I put a critical thinking smackdown on them. (Of course, these critical smackdowns are done in a highly enlightened manner with the intention of helping clique members get onto the Seeker's Path.) 

Usually, cliques back off pretty quick and stay away from me after said smackdown.

The main Achilles Heel of any clique is their inability to make it very far without each other. Within their circle of meanness  they are all powerful beings. However, get them on their own and they scurry pretty quick upon confrontation.

 Listen, I realize that not everyone is going to get along with each other. I also happen to think that folks…

Freewriting Series: In My Life

I am listening to Bette Midler's version of The Beatles song "In My Life". I have always liked this song but, I had never understood the meaning of it until after my relationship broke up last year.  All of the sudden its meaning became very clear to me.

See, we all have pasts which are complete with memorable places, exes, and bits of nostalgia thrown in. However, at the end of the day the people in our present reality have to take priority over those long lost folks from the past.  Just to be clear, I am not proposing that we evict old friends from our lives. Old friends are in a different category as long lost folks. 

I view old friends as folks whom you have a strong heart connection with and you will always have each other's backs no matter what. Old friends respect your current life and don't randomly pop up in it to start strife.

 I have seen so many healthy friendships and relationships damaged by long lost folks from  the past appearing and stirring up a w…

Overcoming the Loser Spirit: Self-Forgiveness

Self-Forgiveness Tote Bags by BougieGirl1 We all have things in our past which we are not proud of. We have regrets about how we treated people in our lives. We are sorry for the way in which we let great opportunities slip past us. We are ashamed at the way in which we allowed others to treat us.

After awhile, we stockpile these things in our soul and carry them around everywhere we go.

Sure, we have made the decision to heal, we have become more self-aware, we have taken ownership of our past wrongdoings, we have made peace with the past, and perhaps even let it go. But, these past regrets are still hanging out in our vicinity. Even, if we are no longer touching them they are still within our reach.

These past regrets know that we will scoop them back up the next time we are feeling insecure about our lives.

This is the point in which self-forgiveness arrives to assist us in overcoming the Loser Spirit.

True self-forgiveness requires us to be really honest with ourselves about …

Freewriting Series: Not All Men Are Cads

CAD by Bougie Girl Apparel

Not all men are cads. In fact, I would go as far as saying that a majority men are decent. However, we as women fail to acknowledge them because we take their kindness and good deeds for granted. The good men are the ones whom we run to after the cad has broken our hearts. We cry on the shoulders of good men and they comfort us with their soothing words until our emotional storm passes. Afterwards, we leave the shelter of their embrace and head back into the proverbial ring with yet another cad. 
Ladies, this unacceptable behavior. On the surface, being with a good man seems to lack the same excitement in comparison to rollin' with a cad. A cad is going to put pie in the sky dreams in your head which he has no plans of ever following through on. While a good man will mull things over before speaking because he wants to make sure that he can deliver on his promises to you. 
You do not have to "tame" a good man or make him change his…

Overcoming the Loser Spirit: Forgiving Others

Forgiving Others Dinner Plate by Bougie Girl Apparel
Forgiving others can be difficult. They may have wronged us, abused us, and/or battered our trust in the world. Yet, granting forgiveness enables us to walk through the emotional pain to the other side where our new reality awaits. Granting forgiveness to those whom we feel have wronged us is not really about them at all. Instead, it is more about our own emotional healing.
Exercise #1: Write down 5 grudges which you are currently holding. Specifically outline when and why each grudge began. Discuss how holding the grudge has held you back from contentment in your current life. Song of the Day: William Tell Overture by Gioachino Rossini
Meditation: I have made the decision to step into the direction of forgiveness towards those whom have wronged me. I acknowledge and recognize that granting  forgiveness is not an easy road to walk. However, it is necessary to travel the path of forgiveness for my own well-being.

Latest News: NaBloPoMo

I have always wanted to participate in the annual National Novel Writing Month which occurs during November.

I have tons of great ideas for novels. But, I never seem to make the time to follow through on completing them. So, I thought why not baby step my way there via participating in National Blog Posting Month?

How hard can be it be, right?

Back in August of this year, I blogged for 31 days straight. I did it as a way to kickoff my new commitment to blogging on a regular basis. I surmised that my participation in National Blog Posting month would be a stroll in the park.

Besides, November only has 30 days in it.

But,  I forgot that November also has Thanksgiving vacation.  In addition, it also kicks off the start of the holiday season.

I feel super overwhelmed right now.  Yet, each day,  I force myself to blog through my exhaustion.

Perhaps next year around this time, I will be in the throes of completing a novel...

Bougie Girl Biz Talk: Baby Step Your Way To Your Goal

I see you. You are lurking on both blogs and messageboards. You want to start your own blog. You long to launch a business. You desire to transition onto a different career path.

Alas, you never quite take the leap of faith yourself. You are afraid of failure. You are petrified of success. You don't know where to start. You don't have enough money. The list goes on.

 I am challenging you today to step onto the playing field by doing the following:
Choose a specific goal Outline a plan of actionGive yourself a timeline for achieving the goal Set aside 1 hour a day to work on the goalAlign yourself with positive people whom are further along on the path Pretty simple, right?

So, what are you  waiting for?

Get to it!

Hidden Danger

Bougie Girl Radio: Loser Spirit Week

It's Loser Spirit Week on Bougie Girl Radio!  I am offering up straight talk about what the Loser Spirit is, how it is wrecking our lives, and a few ways in which we can overcome it.  Tune in at 6 am EST or listen to the archives.

Don't miss it!

Bougie Girl Apparel: Killing Time Girlfriend

Killing Time Girlfriend by BougieGirl1

Being the Killing Time Girlfriend is a very thankless job. Generally, your role is to act as a long-term training wheel for your boyfriend. He strings you a long all throughout college and grad school. 
Finally,  he dumps you after 7 years together. You stayed because you thought that he would eventually marry you. After all, you did put your time in. Alas, he viewed you as a way to pass time while he prepared himself for his future wife.

Freewriting Series: My Basket Is Filled With...

My basket is filled with love and gratitude for the people in my life. My basket is filled with the knowledge that sometimes walking away from someone is the best way to love them.My basket is filled with a new-found contentment which makes my heart sing.My basket is filled with space in my heart for the upcoming new chapter in my love life. 

New Segment: Bougie Girl Biz Talk

Bougie Girl Biz Talk is where I give you tips and secrets to help you navigate through this hectic economy.

This segment  is geared towards people seeking to transition out of dead end jobs and into more viable careers.

In addition, the tips and suggestions provided in this segment will bring the reader's game to a whole 'notha level.

Honesty Monologue: I Am the Side Girl

Side Girl by Snappy Slogans

I am the girl on the side. Songs have been written about me, movies have been made about my situation, and entire books are dedicated to my existence. I am viewed as the enemy by vigilant wives and wifeys everywhere.

But, they have it all wrong.

I am not really a threat to their existence. They don't understand that I am the reason why their man is staying with them.
Most men don't want the hassle of leaving their wives for the side girl. Sometimes, you get a renegade man whom will run off with the side girl. Usually, they end up regretting it and soon afterwards they are crawling back to their wives.
 See, side girls ain't built for domestication. Our specialty lies within the realm of fantasy. We make the men believe that they are strong and capable. In exchange they pay our rent and help us out whenever they can.

Their wives have forgotten how to make their husbands feel like conquerors.

Wives are more concerned with the logistics of …

Honesty Monologue: I Don't Want To Move On From My Ex

I DON'T WANT TO MOVE ON FROM MY EX... by Bougie Girl Apparel
I do not want my ex-husband to move on. We have been divorced for over a decade. I mean it is to the point where I am still trying to wrangle invitations to his family events. For years, I was able to use our kids as an excuse to stay firmly ensconced in my ex-husband's family.

But, now the kids are in high school and they could care less about family events. They always want to hang out with their friends. This makes it awkward for me to go to my ex-husband's family events without them. Of course, I did anyway and for years his family was still pretty nice to me.

I have my own extended family and I get along with them pretty well. But, my ex-husband's family is pretty influential in our city. Going there means that I am going to rub shoulders with important people. One of the hardest things about our divorce was not having the status of being an official member of the family. However, being the mother of his…

Bougie Girl Apparel: Lou Lou Chronicles

Lou-Lou  just tells it like it is...even if you do not want to hear it! I wrote a series of short essays entitled "The Lou-Lou Chronicles" celebrating her candid views on life.

Bougie Girl Brand

Recently, I replaced a majority of the music in my MP3 player with podcasts of motivational speakers, spiritual teachers, and business people. In addition, I am also in the process of rebuilding the Bougie Girl brand.  I am happy to say that in just a month's time my laser-like focus has resulted in the doubling of daily traffic to this blog.

Things have changed considerably in the blogosphere since the first incarnation of the Bougie Girl blog back in 2002. The blogosphere has become more competitive, because now there are more opportunities to make money blogging.  Additionally, social media has raised the level of the blogging game considerably.

The more competitive atmosphere brings bloggers the opportunity to raise the level of their game up several notches. I feel energized by all of my fellow  bloggers out here workin' their hustle and makin' it  happen for themselves.

Blog on, y'all!

Bougie Girl Apparel: Pack Up Your Crazy and Take a Hike!

It's alright to be crazy...just try not to inflict it upon others!

Honesty Monologue: My Story of Woe

The moss in this photo represents the layers woe which cover my entire soul. My journey into woe occurred years ago  and now the story has become an integral part of whom I am today. I have the tools to scrub off this patina of woe. But, I am hesitant to do so.

My neverending tale of woe has given me a power that I never knew existed. I can make people do my bidding with just a splash of a well-timed tear or the threat of a full-on tantrum.  Most people do not know how to handle being around me.

On the one hand, they would like to administer tough love to me, but they feel too guilty to pick on someone whom has as much woe as I do. Other folks just avoid me altogether. It's much easier on their mental well-being not to get caught up in my web of woe in the first place.

Woe has been like a trusted friend to me. It has seen me through all of the ups and downs in my life. (Although,, perhaps it caused a majority of the downs.) Anyway, there's no way that I could ever turn my bac…

Freewriting Series: Staying in Your Lane

Back in my younger years, I used to think that the old adage about "staying in your lane" was a limiting one. 
I mean,  there's a whole world  out there to explore. 
Why in the heck would anyone need to stay in one rutted lane? 
Alas, maturity and a dash of wisdom have since kicked in and I now see the brilliance behind this adage. It was not meant to be taken literally, as in only stay on one course for the rest of your life. 
This adage means staying true yourself throughout your life no matter what. If you are an achiever, don't waste your precious time with anchorweights, co-signers, and other needykins. Their antics and BS are guaranteed to always hold back.
If you possess a sensitive and artistic soul, find a career suited for it and stop trying to fit into the mold of Corporate America.
 I know firsthand how difficult it is to stay in your lane. I have been guilty of trying to alter my lane to look like someone else's because I thought that they had a better lan…

Freewriting Series: Living With An Outdated View of Ourselves And Others

I have been listening to lots of archived podcasts of Steve Maraboli. He is motivational speaker (amongst other things) with a weekly show on Blog Talk Radio entitled: Empowered Living: Life the Truth and Being Free.

Recently,  I listened to him discuss the perils of living with an outdated view of ourselves and others.  According to Steve, we are constantly changing, but our refusal to accept it  is what brings unnecessary pain into our lives.

Listening to this podcast, made me stop and contemplate all of the times in which I refused to accept that it was time to move from a friendship or a relationship.

At the time, I recall thinking that I could deal with someone else viewing me as an outdated version of myself.

I rationalized that it was worth the frustration and pain to stay in that situation because my shared history with the person cancelled those feelings out. By the same token, sometimes I chose to view others through a lens which was fogged up with nostalgia and not realit…

Bougie Girl Radio: Setting Yourself Up For Success

The first inaugural episode  of Bougie Girl Radio airs on Saturday, November 5, 2011 at 12 pm EST  on Blog Talk Radio.

Join me as I discuss the ways in which to set yourself up for success in life.

Ushering in Winter

Winter will be here before you know it. Yet, the temperatures here in my charming New England harbor town seem reluctant to stay below 50 degrees Fahrenheit. Still, I know that soon my jacket optional days will dwindle down to nothing.

The thought of shopping for gloves and a new black coat fill my mind with dread. Do you know how difficult it can be to find just the right black winter coat? Actually, I need to purchase two black coats. One for more formal occasions and the other for everyday standard usage.

The trick is to find the best quality coats for the least amount of money. In this economy is definitely more challenging but, not entirely impossible.