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Saturday, June 25, 2016

Bougie Girl:Courtship Essays-Working Together

The temperature is at least 100 degrees in the shade. My air conditioner is on its last legs and we are in the process of moving furniture into my condo. Fortunately, my condo is located on the first floor but, the narrow front entry way provides an unexpected challenge for the dresser and loveseat.
I snap a photo of the entry way with my cellphone and then set about brainstorming how we can best maneuver the couch inside. I seem to recall the couch legs being detachable.

 I glance at the photo on my cellphone. I am in a zone of problem solving and I almost forget that he is standing next me.

“I bet these couch legs come off. I’ve got some tools in my truck.”

He disappears across the parking lot to his truck.

Indeed, the couch legs are detachable. Within fifteen minutes, he is helping me to carry the couch inside of the condo. It only takes another few moments to heave the dresser into your bedroom.

“Thanks again for helping me today.”

He throws me a genuine smile which reaches his twinkling eyes.

“Well, you mainly needed me for brute strength.”

I laugh and instinctively playfully brush his chest with my hand.

 “You were a great help today.”

He grasps my hand and pulls me in for a kiss.

“You are this great mix of looks, intelligence, and heart.”

“So, my whole going into the zone of problem-solving did not turn you off?”

He shook his head in response to my question.

“Not at all. Just the opposite. I like a woman who knows how to take care of herself and is not afraid to show it."


Previous experience has shown me that men are not too fond of women conveying helpful competence.

He picks up on my uncertainty of his earlier declaration.

“Well, I can’t speak for the other men that you have known. But, I happen to appreciate that side of you.”

Instinctively, I reach for his hand. Our fingertips touch and an electric current of understanding shoots between us. I am looking forward to knowing more about this man and how what makes him tick.

Sunday, June 19, 2016

Bougie Girl: Courtship Essays-Walking Down The Aisles

We have never done this before…together anyway. I am a nervous wreck but, I cannot tell if he is feeling the same level anxiety that I am. We are on the fast track to learning more things about each other. The 90 minute phone sessions four times a week are no doubt one of the reasons for this.
But, now we are embarking on something a little more involved. He steers his SUV into one of the last available parking spaces. 

He looks at me with such an earnest expression that my heart reflexively soars. A small smile plays on his lips. He steps out of the SUV and then immediately comes over to the passenger side of the vehicle and opens the door.

Gingerly, he takes my hand and assists me out of the vehicle. The wind blows through my hair and he leans down to kiss me lightly upon the mouth.

“Are you ready?”

I nod and take ahold of his outstretched hand.

A few minutes later, he grabs a shopping cart and I pull the grocery list from a side pocket of my purse.

We start off in produce and wend our way towards the meat counter. On the way to the meat counter, we pass the wine department. Both of us spend more than a few minutes perusing the Malbec section.
Tonight’s dinner amounts to an amplified snack tray. We are pulling together a hodge podge of cheeses, slices of meats, fruits, veggies, and crackers.  Friday nights are for decompressing from the hectic work week.

We are moving into the fifth month of our courtship and so far it has been filled with lots of laughter, serious discussions, sweetness, with a huge dose of stability. We stroll the grocery aisles taking turns navigating the shopping cart.  

I let him handle the items on tall shelves and he defers to my judgement when it comes to the brands of cheese that we add to tonight’s dinner.

Almost an hour later, we are waiting in the checkout lane. We survive strolling down the grocery aisles with nary a disagreement.  

Saturday, June 18, 2016

Bougie Girl: The Final Conversation Which Ultimately Leads to Clarity

It’s 2 am and you  are in the midst of another round of hurling blame onto one another for your  failed (many times over) relationship. He claims to have moved onto someone else and yet, he is still texting you recriminations about a long ago disagreement which you can no longer remember.

It is his way of holding onto the last smoky wisps of a dysfunctional association which at its best could be considered a life lesson and at its worst, a visit from the Karmic Relationships Fairy.
The first couple of times that he reached out to post-relationship it was fun to catch up with him. The ever present electricity between the both of you still crackled. 

However, after a few months, you went back to your own respective existences without any animosity.

Seven years later, he is not as jovial with you. Instead, his words are mean and dismissive. He goes on a tirade of assigning the failure of the relationship solely to you. At first you take the bait and begin rehashing the lowlights of your time together.
After a week long text war, it occurs to you that he is using  manufactured discord to bind you closer to him.

Even after you realize his true motivations, you still find yourself participating in the drama. Perhaps, it is a way for both of you to kill any lingering wistful feelings about a reconciliation.

In the midst of your anger, you begin to feel sorry for his current ladylove who probably has no idea that he has been spending WAY too much time arguing with you about a past that cannot be changed.

Friday, June 17, 2016

Bougie Girl: Courtship Essays

Courtship. It is an antiquated word and yet, it has the power to either steer a relationship in the right direction or take it completely off the rails.

I have written extensively about breakups but, very little material (with the exception of  my essays entitled: "We'll Always Have Newport.") about the courtship phase of a relationship.

At this time, I am excited to announce my new series entitled: Courtship Essays.

I am kicking off the first installment Sunday, June 19th.

Saturday, June 11, 2016

Bougie Girl Coaching:Love Lessons

Love comes from unexpected places and in the most surprising ways.

Especially, when it is of the genuine variety. There is no material equivalent to having authentic trust within your relationship. However, this type of trust does not show up right away. It is built word by word and deed by deed.

 By the time, it appears in your relationship, you have already started taking it for granted.

Friday, June 10, 2016

Divatosity: I Heart Pinterest

This week, I found myself needing ideas for practical yet, fashionable updos. In addition, I was also looking to update my wardrobe with more figure flattering clothes.

A few search terms later, I was able to find exhaustive Pinterest boards on both topics.

Within thirty minutes, I was highly educated on how to properly section out a messy bun and finding the proper blouse drape for broad shoulders.  In this instance, Pinterest has definitely been changed my life for the better.

Friday, June 3, 2016

Bougie Girl: Less Than Picture Perfect

 I am sweaty, my eyeliner is running, and my hair is about to be taken hostage by humidity.

 Still, I am posting this photo not out of "bravery" but, because I kind of like it.

The angle of this haphazard selfie captures my cheekbones and the genuine smile which lights up my face.

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