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Showing posts from June, 2011

The "A" Game

The "A" Game by Bougie Girl Apparel

Act One, Scene One (A man and woman are facing each other on a stage. There is both tension and overwhelming love between   them). SUZY: Well, I am certainly not surprised that you are unwilling- KEVIN: Whoa, who said anything about me being unwilling? SUZY: Isn’t it obvious? I mean if you wanted to be with me then you would  bring your “A”game to do so. KEVIN: “A” game? What the hell do you mean by “A” game? SUZY:                                                             (Defensively) By “A” game I am referring to  being a loving and reliable partner. You know the kind of guy whose not afraid  to “man up“.
KEVIN:                                                             (Annoyed) Man up? What the hell do you mean by man up?  
SUZY: If you have to ask what I mean by “man up” then it’s obvious that we are not on the same page in this relationship.  The old adage about love being all you need does not apply to us.
KEVIN:                         …

Break. The. Cycle.

Break. The. Cycle. by Bougie Girl Apparel
You hated the way in which your parents used you as a bargaining chip for their unresolved issues. You resented the way your mother leaned on you so much after the divorce. You just wanted to be kid yet, you found yourself being the parent instead. You wondered why your father insisted on living so far away from you. You suspected it had to do with your mother's constant need for psychodrama.  Your  dad struggled with feelings of inadequacy leftover from his own childhood. This got in the way of him effectively parenting you.

Over 20 years have passed since your parents' divorce yet, you are still stuck within their cycle of bitterness and dysfunction.  All of your exes encompass the worst qualities of both your mom and dad. Each break up is more emotionally draining than the last, yet still keep dating the same kind of person.

You are not doomed to repeat the mistakes of your parents. You can put a stop to the cycle of chem…

Toxicity Alert: The 5 Types of Folks Whom Drag Us Down

TOXICITY ALERT by Bougie Girl Apparel

Below are the 5 types of toxic people to avoid when you seek to raise your game up to a whole 'notha level:

Anchorweights are people whom drag you down. In other words, you will always have limited success until you get rid of your anchorweight. Anchorweights are notorious for manipulating you into rescuing them from their world of perpetual bad decisions. They live in a quagmire of irresponsibility and somethin'-for-nuthinitis. The higher you climb, the more they drag you down into their neverending realm of BS. Chronic blamers have a disease called "it's not my faulitis". In the world of a chronic blamer, it is always someone else's fault. They rarely take responsibility for anything. Instead, they spend a majority of the time being stuck in the past. Please also note that a chronic blamer  is not above selling you out to save their own skin.  Frenemies are to be avoided at all costs. Sometimes, it is difficult to identi…

The Subtle Apology

The Subtle Apology by Bougie Girl Apparel

The email came as a surprise to me. My first reaction was skepticism. I had given this person the benefit of the doubt and it proved to be unwise on my part.

Looking back, we both acted immature and the whole thing seems so ridiculous now. Yet, at the time, it was a matter of principle and I refused to back down. We both headed to separate parts of the country and I forgot entirely about this person. Until, I received the email. Reading through it, I experienced flashes of  both anger and annoyance.

Then, I reminded myself that life is too short to hold onto grudges. This email was an obvious attempt on the other person's part to make amends. Instead of stewing over ancient history, I decided to accept the email for what was and keep it pushin'.

I replied to the email, wished the person well, and closed another chapter to my past.

Undignified Partings

Undignified Partings by Bougie Girl Apparel

You want out. There is a  friendship, relationship, and/or job which is dragging you down. Perhaps, you are just ready for a fresh start.  You feel as though each passing minute in the current situation is shaving years off of your life.

You want to just to walk out and never look back. You envision a new life without any traces of the same old BS which is making you so unhappy. All you have to do is put one foot in front of the other.
In this electronic age, many people opt to walk out of a situation via text, email, or even Facebook. It is easy to tap a couple of keys and  move onto your new plans very quickly. However, a few months later you will feel extraordinarily guilty for your cowardly exit.

It is important to depart a situation with the same amount if not more grace than in which you entered  into it. In many cases, this means a face to face meeting with those involved in the situation.  (Obviously, a face to face meeting would n…

Side Pieces, After Bar Girls, Killing Time Girlfriends, and Defaults

Side Pieces After Bar Girls... by Bougie Girl Apparel

Side Piece
You are in the background and you hate it. He promised to promote you from side piece to wifey, but so far this has not happened. It has been over 8 months and he still selling you the same raggedy dream. He is just waiting for the "right" time to introduce you to his family. You have wasted so much time with him, yet you are afraid to leave. It is clear that he does not really respect you. If he did, you would not be his side piece.

After Bar Girl
You do not like to think of yourself as an after bar girl. It is too depressing and brings into question your own issues with low self-worth. Instead, you have convinced yourself that accepting after bar sexual appointments is the same as being in a relationship with the late night visitor in question. You spend most of your time waiting for someone else.

Killing Time Girlfriend
He is not the one for you. Alas, you have put in years with him. You suffered in silence thr…

From a Manipulator's Point-of-View

From a Manipulator's Point-of-View by Bougie Girl Apparel
You do not know how to give love. You sure as hell do not know how to receive it. However, you are familiar with how to get what you want out of others.You are in a constant state of manipulating others to do your bidding.  It is all just a game to you. At least that is what you tell yourself. Of course, you would never want to admit that your manipulation stems from a childhood of invisibility. You wanted to feel and be loved during your childhood... but, it did not happen.

You begged to be cherished by someone, anyone but  no one stepped forward during your younger years.
You  also tried so hard to be noticed and recognized as someone extraordinary. But, no one ever paid attention ...until you started playing mind games. 

The game is set up so that it will revolve around you. No matter what happens in the game, you will turn out to be the victor of it all. The goal is to keep other folks  perpetually caught up in your …

Farewell to my Father

Farewell To My Father by Bougie Girl Apparel

"Sometimes, my dad hears voices that no one else can."

I am 10 years old and trying to explain to a classmate why my parents split up a few years prior. I recall the look of shock and confusion on her face.

"Is he crazy or something?" She asks.

I shrug in response. I had a tendency to shrug a lot when it came to questions about my father. I regarded him as two separate people. During his lucid times, my father took us fishing,  taught us how to play sports, demonstrated outdoor survival skills, and played board games. However, whenever he went into one of his schizophrenic episodes it was a completely different story.

My sister, mother and I hid from him in our bedrooms and waited for the proverbial dark storm to leave. An hour later, my father was back to his jovial self and we would come back out into the living room and pretend as though nothing had happened. Ah, the picture of a typical nuclear family...hiding a no…