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Kansas Uncut: Between Small Town and Cultural Center

(October 2012-August 2013)




Kansas Uncut: Between Small Town and Cultural... Postcard by Bougie Girl

For better or worse, there is no place like your hometown. I have spent the past 18 years, visiting this place from my various residences around this great nation. Yet, I never really took the time to reacquaint myself with its roads, landmarks, and other local treasures.

Now, I am a full time resident and struggling to navigate my way around this familiar yet, foreign place. I know the names of streets but, not necessarily the directions in which they run. I do know that my apartment is between Overland Park and the Plaza neighborhood of Kansas City.

This small bit of knowledge is helpful in getting me to where I need to go. I still cannot get over how many cool shops and cafes have sprung up since my absence. The vibe here now is that of a city at a crossroads between small town and cultural center.

I am still not entirely sold on spending more than a year or two here.

Washington DC s…

Kansas Uncut: Home Is Where Proposal Writing Happens

(Topeka: September 2012)



Kansas Uncut: Home Is Where Proposal Writing... Postcard by Bougie Girl

Some people move back to their hometowns and immediately begin reconnecting with old classmates and favorite hangout places.

However, that is not my style. I am holed up in my childhood bedroom crafting up proposals to send to the Topeka City Council with regard to revitalizing downtown Topeka. Conventional wisdom of the past states that a department store and/or a chain restaurant would cause the good citizens of Topeka to converge into downtown.

In 2012, the popularity of online shopping coupled with the relatively manageable drive to Kansas City from here, represents quite a challenge for revitalizing downtown Topeka.

Yet, I believe that the solution to this problem lies in creating a multi-use transportation hub located in downtown Topeka.

I spend the next couple of weeks submitting my proposal to various City Council members and fielding phone calls.  

A majority of my local friends …

Kansas Uncut: The Road Back

(July 2012-Topeka, Kansas)



Kansas Uncut: The Road Back Postcard by Bougie Girl
I am driving into a wall of heat with no end in sight. It is Day 3 of my trek from Rhode Island back to Kansas. The temperatures are well above the 100 degree mark. It is as though the Universe is preparing me for my return to the Humid Prairie Land of my childhood.

As though, I could forget the many summers spent languishing in the perpetual heat and humidity of Northeastern Kansas. In less than 5 hours, I will be back in Topeka.

All at once, the thought of living in my hometown both excites and depresses me.

Living back in Topeka will enable me to spend more time with family and to stash away a little cash.

It is definitely not a permanent relocation by any stretch, I plan on only staying here for a maximum of two years which will give me enough time to pay down my student loans and get some other business in order. After which, I will either head back to the East Coast or check out the offerings in Austi…

Kansas Uncut Series: Introduction

I ever never imagined moving back to Kansas as nearly 40 something adult.

Yet, here I am safely nestled in a suburb and somewhat enjoying it...which never fails to creep me out.

There are redeemable qualities to my much more settled life.

 In these essays, I will explore what it is like to return your home town after living away for so long.

This series contains four years worth of random anecdotes and even a few instructional "how-to" posts. As always, the names have been changed to protect the privacy of others.





Breakup Essays-Essay #11 The End of The Affair

Breakup Essays:Essay #11-The End of The Affair Postcard by Bougie Girl
Today is the day that we say goodbye…for good.  This time I am not playing around. I do not have another 8 years to waste on a relationship with a solidly married man. His wife knows about me but, she pretends not to care. She found my number in his phone and she confronted face to face on my front porch. One day she showed up to inform me that their marriage is a sham and it always had been. However, she made it clear that he had husbandly duties which he would not ever be able to shirk. Then, she pulled out her cell phone and started scrolling through her calendar. “So, you can have him every other Tuesday and Friday during the school year. But, during the summer, the kids might get suspicious if he is gone that often. Now, the last two weeks of July, we spend in Texas with my family. My husband doesn’t get along with my family so, he generally only comes down there for a few days. This would leave you free and cle…

Breakup Essays: Essay #10- The Threat Of The Recently Single Woman

Breakup Essays: Essay #10- The Threat... Postcard by Bougie Girl

Finally, the day arrived when you could no longer turn bear to spend a moment longer in that crappy relationship. You got tired of pretending to be happy to keep the peace. For years your family and friends urged you to leave him. But, a part of you still held out hope that the boyishly charming young man whom you fell in love with in college would magically return. He never did. You are starting to suspect that the charming young man only existed in the corners of your marriage hungry mind. Thankfully, you had no kids together and you were amicable enough to split all of the assets down the middle.  You spent the first few months of freedom being the extra person at the dinner party. All of your married friends were eager to live vicariously through the recently divorced girlfriend. Your single life seemed so glamourous to them and to their husbands as well. You begin to notice the way in which the husbands within your c…

Breakup Essays-Breakup #9 Choosing Sides After A Breakup

Breakup Essays-Breakup #9 Choosing Sides... Postcard by Bougie Girl

How do you choose sides after a breakup? How should friends, family, objects, and even places be equitably divided? One school of thought is that you leave the relationship with who and what you came into it with. But, what if there are kids or pets whom have grown attached to both sides of each family? How should things work out then? Do you get to keep the gym membership? Can you still follow/friend the Ex’s family on social media even after you begin dating again? How do you divide up mutual friends aka people we met as a couple? Do they automatically go to the person initiating the breakup? It never occurs to you during the wedding ceremony to even ponder what your divorce will look like. You really go into thinking that it is forever. All of your friends and family will just magically merge with one another and it will be that way until the day you die. You never think that eleven years from now, you will be packing…

Breakup Essays: Essay #8 Dumper's Remorse

Breakup Essays-Breakup #8 Dumper's Remorse Postcard by Bougie Girl
            You are and will always be the woman of my dreams. What can I say? I blew it. Things got rocky due to events from my past leaking into our relationship. Instead of manning up and handling it…I dumped you. Immediately, I regretted my actions but, I was too stubborn to admit to being wrong. Besides, I was in a bad place in my life. I like to think that I was sparing you additional pain. Yet, I could have sat down and told you about the toxic Ex whom still haunted my dreams. The many ways in which I had tried for years to leave this Ex alone but, I couldn’t seem to stay away. My family tried everything to get me away from the Toxic Ex. Yet, I still ran back to crazy fighting, awesome makeup sex, but, ultimate misery of that relationship. We both sat there pretending that we were lifetime loves but, knowing that every moment spent with one another was empty and unfulfilling. After I dumped you and went back t…

Breakup Essays-Essay #7 Failed Reconciliation

Breakup Essays-Essay #7 Failed Reconciliation Postcard by Bougie Girl

Both of you have vowed that this time around will be completely different. No more screaming matches, cheating, and/or other dysfunctional behaviors which destroyed the last incarnation of your relationship. This isn’t the first time that you have both vowed to make this relationship work. Technically, you are on the fifth attempt of putting this relationship back together. You both love one another so much but, outside circumstances seem to always collude in an effort to keep you both apart. You have gone to both individual and couples counseling. You tried chakra cleansing, past life regression, support groups, self-help books, and crystal healing. Nothing seems to be able to keep you two from sliding into the cesspool of psychodrama. Both of your inner magnets seems to draw in the tidal wave of psychodrama. It is prevalent by the means in which you snap at one another for the slightest perceived infraction. Yet, st…

Breakup Essays: Essay #6-The Living In The Perpetual State Of Distrust Breakup

Breakup Essays: Essay #6-The Living In... Postcard by Bougie Girl

Admit it, you never trusted him. So much so, that you offered to put him on your phone plan in the guise of saving money. You both knew that the reason for your altruism had more to do with his wandering eye i.e. other body parts than fiscal responsibility. He played along with this because, he was saving a lot of money on his phone plan and it gave you the sense of security that his cheating would stop once and for all. However, the thing about serial cheaters is that no walls, spy equipment, and/or tear filled pleas will stop them when they itch strikes them to step out on you. During these times, your intuition will go into overdrive. You will search through his phone and still find nothing. Next, you troll his social media and email account.  You are unable to find any hard evidence to support your strong gut feeling. What you fail to take into account is the fact that he can access the Internet from his mp3 player whic…