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Ten Monologues For Women: Monologue #8-Bittersweet Love

He’s always gonna be there for me but, he just doesn’t feel the same way about me anymore. I wish he hadn’t told me that. It’s almost like a one-way ticket for me to hold onto him.  I screwed up a lot of things in our marriage.  We were young and partying all of the time. Out of our social set, we were the most likely to do something with our lives. Drugs and alcohol were a past time to us but, not really a way of life.  One day, he came home and said that he was done using.

We started goin' to AA and NA meetings together.  Shortly after that, he enrolled in trade school to be a plumber.  I enrolled into a legal secretary certificate program and our lives really changed for the better.

We started working out together and cut out all of the junk food.  Things were going so great, he proposed to me and I just knew that we were gonna be together forever. I got pregnant a few months after our wedding. It wasn’t an easy pregnancy. I was really mean all of the time but, he did what he could to keep my spirits up.

After our little baby girl Noelle was born he was so happy.  I was happy but at the same time I was scared.  We could more than afford for me to stay at home with Noelle.  But, I was afraid to lose my financial independence.  So, I put Noelle in daycare and went back to work. At the time, one of my co-workers was studying to be a paralegal. I thought that sounds super interesting. The classes were being offered online from my alma mater.

I talked it over with my husband and he was enthusiastic about it. He pointed out that it would be easier for me to work from home as a paralegal.  Two years later, I had a paralegal degree and I was promoted at work. I should have been over the moon, right?

 I mean, I had an amazing husband,  and a beautiful child. I was living a dream. Not bad as a chick from a trailer park. But, something was missing. My life felt kind of dull. I started to have regrets about my druggie past with my husband. I mean, I wasted like five years of my life partying away. I could finished my four year degree, traveled the world, opened a business, and led a way more glamorous lifestyle.

 So, I sought more excitement through an affair with my boss at work. He was a divorced older gentleman with grown kids and a roster of mistresses. He was more than willing to add me to his ever-growing roster of mistresses.

Our first encounter was at his cabin in the middle of nowhere during the day. We both took a half day and met up there. It was amazing. The cabin turned out to be a small palace. We drank a couple of glasses of wine to relax and it just kind of went from there. 

Pretty soon we are in a full-blown affair. My husband never suspected a thing at first.  The affair went on for a few months but, I ended it because it became obvious that my boss was becoming too attached.  Unbeknownst to me, he had fallen in love with me.

 Apparently, my boss had cleared his roster of women and had planned to focus solely on me. 

It got  real ugly after that. My boss starts calling me at all hours of the night. I had to block his number from my cell phone. Then, he starts overloading me with work so that I have virtually no time to be with my family.

One day my husband asked me to quit my job. I didn’t want to at first but, I figured it was the best way to get a clean break from my boss. I gave two weeks notice and my boss didn’t even blink. 

 I thought I was in the clear. Until he started driving past my house and then randomly showing up places where I was at.  It was getting scary for me.

The kicker was when he started trying to get at my husband. He pulled some strings and arranged to have my husband picked up by the cops on some BS charge. That’s when I knew that I had to come clean about the affair. My husband was so hurt.  From that point on,  things changed between us.

He took a traveling plumber’s gig and now he’s gone 3 weeks out of the month. We barely speak. Noelle is now  six years old and she’s starting to suspect that something’s up.   My husband refuses to go to counseling with me. He says that he doesn’t need counseling to tell him that he married a cheater.  He still loves me but, he sees no future in our marriage. Each time he returns from one of his work trips, it’s like he’s moved further away from me. 


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