Ten Monologues For Women: Monologue #6-Go Away... Postcard by Bougie Girl
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I am 34 years old. I am not supposed to be going to chemo treatments on my lunch hour. Lunch hours are for delicious meals, massages, mani-pedis, gossiping with girlfriends, or steamy interludes with significant others. But, as of late my lunch hours consist of chemo treatments. Trust me, it’s not as glamorous as it sounds.
Lunch hour chemo is needles, IV lines, patronizing medical staff, and my bitterness neatly packed into a 60 minute session.
Of course, I am careful not to be too outwardly bitter in the clinic. I don’t want to poision others with my total resentment at being diagnosed with cancer at age 34. I have tried meditating, reading good vibe laced books about breast cancer not being the end of the road but, the beginning of a journey, crying jags, and asking God why he chose to inflict this onto me.
I remind God on a daily basis of my long list of good deeds and beg him to get me through this hell on earth. I am fine with never getting married. Truth be told, most men get on my nerves any way. Before my diagnoses I was trying to serial date my way into a marriage. It didn’t work. Most of the eligible men wanted me to pretend to be someone that I am not. The other stragglers just were not worth my time.
I am kind of alright with the fact that I may never have a biological kid. You can practically order one off the Internet these days.
But, dammit I didn’t wanna lose my rack. My best physical assets are my C cup ta-tas. Not too big. Not too little. They were just perky enough without being over the top. But,now they are gone.
I sit and look at my surgically altered chest and think what did I do to deserve this?
I think back on my vegetarian lifestyle, the fact that I rarely drank, never tried drugs, and barely even took an aspirin.
All of that “clean” living and now I am spending my lunch hour in Chemoville and I am not even 35.
Cancer is like that crappy boyfriend who dumps you but, won’t go away.
He sits on the periphery waiting for the chance to shower you with more BS and games. Just when you think that it has completely left your life…it returns with a vengeance.
Cancer if you are listening right now. Our relationship is just not working for me. You need to go and stay gone.