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Friday, January 1, 2016

Ten Monologues For Women: Monologue #2- She Just Had To Up And Change



Things were going well with us… until she went and changed on me. My best friend of over 20 years decides one day to go and lose 150 pounds.

 I mean, really? What the hell?!?

Meanwhile, I am scrambling around trying to figure out how the dynamic could  change between us so quickly. Now, she’s the one barking out orders and extending invitations to the local hotspots.

‘Course livin’ in Great Hills, Kansas our nightlife is kinda limited but, somehow she’s managed to get VIP seating at the bingo lounge. I mean you really have to get in good with the right folks to get that honor.

 Anyway, she thinks she’s so skinny cuz she’s a size 12 now. Big whoopty do! For years, I was a perfect size 16 and she could barely zip up a size 22. Now, all the sudden she’s the Queen of Sheba cuz she can wear skinny jeans.

Whatever.

Now, I don’t want y’all thinkin’ that I am a jealous shrew. Let me assure that it is not the case. But, change is hard, ya know?

I mean one minute you’re treated like small-town royalty and the next you’re thrown into the discard pile.
You know that I actually have to pay for my drinks at the bar. It’s simply ridiculous. I’m thinking about trying to sabotage her diet by adding bacon to all of her food health food. Bacon is her Achilles heel.She can’t get enough of it!

The only reason she was even able to lose weight was cuz she got pneumonia real bad. She lost like 60 pounds and her stomach shrank.  So, me sprinkling bacon on her meals wouldn’t be like sabotaging her per se since it was an act of fate that   started her weight loss journey in the first place.

Before Irlene lost all her weight, I was the part of the Great Hills jetset. I mean, I have a good job with the City of Great Hills. I am the Senior Stamper in the real estate document department. It’s a real important position. 

My fiancĂ© Tommy, he’s head exterminator for the County of Great Hills. I know, he’s like real important.  Anyway, he thinks that I should be happy for Irlene…and I am.Kinda.  It just burns me up that she doesn’t need me to get invited to parties or social events.

We are barely speakin’, she’s hurt cuz I am not happy for her and I resent her for up and changing on me.

She refuses to gain the weight back even though doing so could save our friendship.  Can you even believe it?

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