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Thursday, February 18, 2016

Breakup Essays: Essay #2-Ambiguous Parting

You are broken up. Well, at least you think that you broke up. His text message was unclear. It was something about needing space and taking time away. But, there was not an explicit mention of a breakup, per se. It’s been a month. You are still friends on Facebook and he still sends you  texts about the reality show that you used to watch together.
How should you interpret this? Part of you wants to wait him out to see if you are still together. Yet, your ego is shouting,
 “Hell, naw! This joker had his chance. It’s time for me to move the hell onto better pastures.”
Some days, your ego almost shouts you down. She wants you to cut off all contact with him. She’s also urging me to set up online dating profiles.  But, what if you do and you meet someone wonderful? That would ruin your chances for a reconciliation. Obviously if you are talking on a regular basis, how broken up could you possibly be? You don’t want to lose your chance to be with him again.  Yet, your ego will not be ignored. She is pointing out all of the times in which he ditched out on dates, disrespected you in front of others, and his inappropriate communications with female acquaintances. 
She is demanding to know what you even see in this dude? What kind of power can he possibly hold over you?  You wish that you could explain the way it feels to be constantly adored and all of the little niceties that he extends to you. Being with him feels as though you are living in this wonderful alternate reality.
Your ego reminds you that the alternate reality which you are basking in does not really exist outside the realm of your mind. She warns you about the dangers filling in the gaps and spaces of your relationship with emotions which never really existed. Because if those emotions had truly existed then you would honor the love in your heart by not accepting his ambiguous goodbye. You would firmly close the door and slide the proverbial bolt to your heart home.

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