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Monday, October 12, 2015

We Will Always Have Newport- Chapter 3: A Bi-Coastal Courtship Filled With Crappy Stories and Lots Of Research

(November 2009-January 2010)

Sometimes, I have to remind myself that he lives on the other side of the country. He feels so close to me. We talk on the phone every other day for hours at a time. He tells me about life in the Navy and shares a crappy story or two with me.  Crappy stories consist of anecdotes about  the monotony of patrolling the waters around the base and the personality quirks of some of his  fellow Sailors. I have taken to listening to podcasts tailored towards military spouses. I am also reading blogs by military spouses. It is definitely a different world from what I am accustomed to. Sure, my cousins were in different branches of the military but, it’s different when it is a spouse or significant other.
I don’t want to even imagine what it will be like to worry about his ship being in hostile waters. Which because he will be on shore duty for the next few years. Perhaps, I am jumping the gun with all of this silly worry anyway. He is inquiring about my views on marriage and kids. It seems awfully soon to be asking such questions but, I find out from both my female and male friends whom are military vets that this is common. Due, to the nature of the military the courtship phase is sometime almost non-existent especially since anything could happen with orders and assignments.

Having a significant other in military is akin to being on a tilt a whirl of emotions. Every negative news story about the military makes you irritated and the positive ones make you cheer. The Sailor has warned me that the lifestyle of a milispouse it not an easy one. As a milispouse you are responsible for making  the home of your soldier, sailor, airmen, coastie and/or marine a safe haven from the outside world. You become  a guardian of sorts to their physical and mental well-being.
At age 35, this was not a scary concept to me. But, I could only imagine what someone 10 or 15 years younger would be going through. You are trying to figure out yourself and then give support to someone else. Fireworks and not the good kind are bound to ensue.
There times in which the Sailor gets a little maudlin when he talks about the colleagues he’s lost or how sometimes the military can set you up for a life of isolation. I have learned whenever he gets into these moods not to try to pull him out of them right away. I have learned that these moods only last for about 30 minutes or so. Then, I change the subject to ask him about how the weather is faring in Newport.
Then, he inquires about Santa Fe and just like that the mood lightens. I text him trivia about the Navy. I can almost picture him smiling at his phone and my excitement about learning about his world.  A few weeks into it, he has asked me about my future plans. Did I see marriage and children in my future?
Would I be able to handle being a military spouse and the constant  relocation and long periods spent away from one another?
Sure. I reply. I am thinking back to my own history of frequent relocations and my own active lifestyle which most of my previous boyfriends couldn’t deal with. 
Something in me begins to stir. I am beginning to see that these are not casual questions. So, I ask him about his future plans. Does he want to remarry and have more children?
“Yes.” He replies.
I change the subject quickly to something else and he brings it right back up again.
It feels too soon to even consider a future together, But, I surmise that military relationships, coupled with our 30 something ages means that things are accelerated. Still, I want to get to know him before I commit to completely changing my life around.

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