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Soul Conversations Series: Reconciliation Gone Awry








This case was troubling to me. Basically, there were 2 souls whom had spent lifetimes loving each other and yet could not seem to stay together long-term. Soul #1 was entirely too toxic for Soul #2. This saddened Soul #2 because they dearly loved Soul #1. Yet, the innate survival instinct of Soul #2 was greater than their desire to be in a relationship with Soul #1.

However, Soul #1 often returned to Soul #2 with empty promises and hidden agendas. Soul #1 knew how to manipulate the feelings of Soul #2 and that's just what he did. Soul #2 came to me desperate to understand why she was still susceptible to Soul #1's lies and deceptions. As expected, Soul #1 was not interested in attending these sessions. He didn't see how his hot and cold behavior was adversely affecting Soul #2. Most recently, Soul #1's desire to reconcile the relationship between Soul #2 and then his hasty exit a few months later.




Soul Mediator:
We are here in this session to discuss the most recent incident between you two. A reconciliation which has gone awry. I am going to ask Soul #2 to briefly describe the course of her relationship with Soul #2.

Soul #2:
Thanks so much for seeing us today. Okay, well, basically we get along great when we are together. We have this electric connection which transcends basic attraction. We really understand one another. Which is why his sudden inexplicable exits are so hurtful. I understand him fleeing, if we fought all of the time or there was no attraction whatsoever between us. But, that's not the case. It's always him coming back and making all of these empty promises and then fleeing when it's time to make good on them. This last time, it turned out he left to go be in a relationship with another woman. No explanation. He just disappears into the ether. Technically this is the third time that he has done this and I have made the decision that I don't want him back. It hurts too much to love him and it wears on me. I keep wondering what's wrong with me that he won't stay or at the very least talk to me when he is feeling the need to flee.

Soul Mediator:
I imagine that would be a rough state to be in.

Soul #2:
It is. I don't want to be with someone whom I have to walk on eggshells with all of the time or live in constant fear that they are gonna just walk out again without a word.

Soul Mediator:
Completely understandable. Now, Soul #1, I am going to give you the opportunity to respond to what Soul #2 has said.

Soul #1:
She is a wonderful woman and she deserves the absolute best in life. This woman has treated me like gold, believed in me when no one else did, and been my rock. I do love her more than she will ever know. But, the fact of the matter is that I don't know how to be the man she needs. Being in a relationship with her stretches me in a good way. But, it's exhausting because before she came into my life, I never knew that love could be a quiet source of strength. Before it was all screaming matches, disrespect, and psychodrama.  Being with her overwhelms me feelings of invincibility. I keep waiting for the crash but, it never happens with her. I start to worry that I will be the one to disappoint her with my inadequacies and insecurities. I just can't bear to ever see her disappointed in me.

Soul Mediator:
Outside of your fleeing the relationship, do you think that you have disappointed her in a major way?

Soul #1:
I don't know. But, I am sure that I eventually will. So, why hang around for that to happen?

Soul Mediator:
Why not leave and just stay gone?

Soul #1:
Because I can't stay away from her. She is so full of life and light that my inner core craves her like a drug.

Soul Mediator:
You are coming back to get your fill of her and then you take those good feelings and spend them with other women. Is that correct?

Soul #1:
Yeah. I mean when you say it like that I come across as a total user. It's not my intention to use her like that.

Soul Mediator:
What was going through your head during this last reconciliation attempt?

Soul #1:
I felt like it was going to work this time. I had done enough personal growth that I wouldn't bolt. There was other woman that I met at a going away party right before I got back with Soul #2. This other woman is younger and naive about the world. She is sweet and she was hanging on my every word. But, all I could think of was Soul #2 and how the kind of love that I have for her is once in a lifetime. I exchanged numbers with the other woman but, I never called her. A couple of weeks ago she calls me out of the blue and here I am all in this blissful state from Soul #2's love. I thought it's a harmless coffee outing but, sparks kind of flew. I started to think that I could have a legitimate fresh start with the other woman. She has no idea about my past. Soul #2 in the long run would be better off without me causing her so much sadness.

Soul Mediator:
How did you break it off with Soul #2?

Soul #1:
I stopped responding to all communication. I blocked her number and email. I just focused on the other woman and my fresh start.

Soul Mediator:
How is the fresh start going?

Soul #1:
It's rocky because we aren't being 100% authentic with each other. I realize that I need the love of Soul #2 so badly right now. I feel like I am jonesin' for her.

Soul Mediator:
Does the other woman know about your relationship with Soul #2?

Soul #1:
No. She is too busy thinking that I hang the moon.

Soul Mediator:
Soul #2, I hope that you are listening carefully. He has basically admitted that he is getting a high off of the love that you have for him. Which means that he will never be able to stay in a healthy relationship with you or anyone for that matter. This has nothing to do with your worth as person. You two do not need to be in a relationship of any kind with one another. It is too unhealthy for the both of you. My suggestion is that you both stay away from one another.

Soul #2:
I agree. I don't want to keep putting my life on hold with a heart full of hope that he will come back to stay.

Soul #1:
I am so sorry about how I have treated you. If I could take it all back. I would.

Soul#2:
Just stay away from me.

Soul Mediator:
These matters are not always easy to navigate because I believe that you both love one another and under different circumstances you could be very happy together. But, those circumstances do not exist for either of you. You are definitely better off apart.




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