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Thursday, May 2, 2013

Interim Heartache


We were always in an on-again, off-again, who the hell knows what's going on with our relationship. We first met when we were both unhappily married. We struck up a friendship and communicated via instant message. Nothing too sultry. Mainly, we talked about work and life as an unhappy spouse.

One day he just up and left his wife for another woman. Not me, but another chick that he had on the side. All hell broke loose and we lost touch for awhile. A few months later, I took the kids and left my own bad marriage.  A year later, we were both divorced with kids and trying to figure out what else life had in store for us.

Inevitably, we began dating and it was better than I ever could have imagined. I envisioned myself with him forever. Until, I came across his open laptop whilst he was in the shower. His email was open and there was message from another woman and it was all lovey-dovey. I scrolled down to the bottom of the email chain and saw that he was the one whom had initiated contact with the woman.

From that moment on, my perfect world ceased to exist. I left without looking back. I moved in with my sister. My kids were staying with their father for the summer. I must have cried for two days straight.

How could I have been so stupid?

Eventually, he came back around begging me to come back but, I couldn't do it. I had lost so much respect for him. After a few weeks of pleading with me, he moved out of state and out of my life.

I still held out hope that we would end up together.

A couple of years later, he shows back up again. He is a more shattered version of himself. He refuses to discuss what happened during the time we were apart. But, I think that he fell in love with someone else and the relationship didn't work out.

He is gentler with me and the kids. He even asks for our input on major decisions. He certainly wasn't like that before.

Yet, he is not as smitten with me as he once was. I know that there is another woman haunting his heart. I just wish that I knew what happened during our time apart.

We are married now and I am expecting our first child together. He is a good husband but, the pregnancy hasn't brought us closer together. If anything he is more distant.

My sister tells me that I should just be glad that he came back.

"He married you, isn't that what you wanted?"

Yes, but I want to be the only woman haunting his heart...and this is no longer the case.

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