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Wednesday, June 6, 2012

Honesty Monologues: I Am A Black Hole of Emotional Emptiness

I Am A Black Hole Of Emotional Emptiness
I Am A Black Hole Of Emotional Emptiness by Bougie Girl Apparel

I love the way that you keep trying to "heal" my empty soul. The women whom I usually deal with are more concerned with how I can benefit them. This is fine with me because I am bringin' a whole lotta crazy to the table. The opportunistic ladies of the world see me for who I am and they are alright with long as I can properly compensate them for their time.

These associations only last for  six months to a year...or until something better comes along for me. I throw a few dollars at them, a trinket or two, and then I walk away without looking back. There have been times when a lady has not appreciated being dumped by the proverbial side of the road by me. Over time, they get over it.

 Occasionally, down the road, I may revisit some of the clingier ladies in my stable. I romance them for a couple of weeks and then promptly disappear. I am off to the next conquest.
How can I be so callous and cold? Well, I will let you in on a little secret...I am a black hole of emotional emptiness. I am severely limited when it comes to relationships and personal interactions in general.  

Where did this emotional emptiness derive from? I could launch into a diatribe about the lack of parenting that my siblings and I received from my emotional distant mother and alcoholic father. Perhaps, you would like more detail about how I never fit in with my high school classmates?
I can spin you a tale of childhood heartbreak and disappointment which would cause many a sleepless night.

The fact remains that all of your healing love is lost on me in the long run. Don't get me wrong, your love has changed my life for the better. I don't ever remember being this genuinely happy and feeling so safe in a relationship.

But, I fear that over time, my perpetual emotional emptiness will eventually drain the life out of you.  I have made so many mistakes and hurt so many people. (I mean, even parasitic ladies have feelings, too.)
I refuse to destroy the best thing that ever happened to me. Instead, I am going to save you a lifetime of tears and pain by walking away from you forever.

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