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Saturday, June 30, 2012

Honesty Dialogues: An Interview With Nothing Special

NOTHING SPECIAL fuji_plate


(A female television host is sitting in a high backed chair on a stage in front of a live audience. She is interviewing Nothing Special about her life.)


Interviewer: 
Today, my guest is Nothing Special. She is best known for her brutally honest take on what it's like to unremarkable. Welcome to the show. (The audience politely applauds.)

Nothing Special:
(Smiles)
Thanks so much for having me on the show. It's such an honor to be here.

Interviewer:
When did you discover that you are Nothing Special?

Nothing Special:
I have always known. I accept that people are for the most always going to overlook me.

Interviewer:
 (Wincing)
How do you cope with this knowledge on  a day-to-day basis?

Nothing Special:
Honestly, I play  people against one another and they never seem to figure  it out.

Interviewer:
Whoa. That's quite a confession. Aren't you afraid that someone you know could be watching this interview and that your candor could come back to haunt you?

Nothing Special:
Not at all. The people in my life are all in conflict with one another. I have created this chessboard of sorts. None them trusts  each other enough to ever rise up against me.

Interviewer:
That's quite a strategy.

Nothing Special:
Thanks.

Interviewer:
Tell me something, do you ever feel empty inside?

Nothing Special:
All the time. But, I find that spending money and being the center of attention at all times goes a long way in distracting me from the emotional blackhole that is my life.

Interviewer:
Have you ever thought about  changing the way  you treat people?

Nothing Special:
No. If I change then, I will go back to being invisible again. That was a sucky existence. No way would I ever return to that.

Interviewer:
What about all of the people whom you are hurting?

Nothing Special:
(Shrugs)
What about them? It's hard to feel sorry for Suzy Gorgeous or Kelly Successful. They can easily start over again someplace else. But, my small circle of followers are all that I have.

Interviewer:
Speaking of followers. How is your boyfriend?

Nothing Special:
Actually, we just got engaged.
(She brings up her left hand to show off the ring)

Interviewer:
Congratulations.

Nothing Special:
Thanks. I kind of expected it though. I worked really hard to make sure that he was alienated from his friends and family. He kind of had no choice.

Interviewer:
Do you love him?

Nothing Special:
(Shrugs) 
I don't even know what love is supposed to be. He does what I say. I control everything. That's how like it.

Interviewer:
Does he love you?

Nothing Special:
Who cares? He's not going anywhere.

Interviewer:

Hmm. What's going to happen when he gets tired of your relationship or meets someone new?

Nothing Special:
That's what kids are for. I plan on popping out one within in the first year of our marriage. That will make it harder for him to get very far.

Interviewer:
Wow. So you would knowingly use your child as a pawn to keep your husband shackled to you?

Nothing Special:
(Annoyed)
Of course. Look, my name isn't Awesome Lady or even Amazing Woman. My name is Nothing Special.


Interviewer:
 (Winces)
Good point. (Pauses) We need to take a commercial break.

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