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Sunday, May 13, 2012

Honesty Monologues: I Am Your Ex For A Reason

I Am Your Ex For A Reason... zazzle_shirt
I Am Your Ex For A Reason... by Bougie Girl Apparel

I am your Ex for a reason. Still, this doesn't seem to stop you from seeking me out on a daily basis. At first, I didn't mind it because I felt a little guilty about the way I treated you in the past. Initially, I was flattered that you were still into me...and it was convenient to keep you close. I could get my physical and emotional needs met without the annoying entanglements of staying married to you. Our arrangement was working out so well. 

I  come in for a visit. We take the kids out for lunch. Drop them off at your sister's house for a few hours and "catch up" on old times. It works like a charm for a good five years or so but, after while it begins to feel empty. Eventually, I tire of cheating on my girlfriends with my ex-wife. Of course, it doesn't help that you start hinting around that we should "try again". Try again? I left you for a reason. I am just back for ancillary benefits that comes with sleeping with an Ex. If I wanted to be with you...I never would have left in the first place.

I keep waiting for you to cut me off from bedroom activities but, you never do. Now granted, I am not a saint in this situation either. I should not have been disrespecting the mother of my kids in the first place.

The kids are getting older and are gonna start suspecting something's up between us. I don't wanna get their hopes up for a reconciliation between us. Admit it, you don't really want us to get back together. I was an SOB to you for most our marriage. You just don't want to lose the "power" of the situation.  But, truth be told you don't have any real power over me. Sure, you could turn the kids against me. But, in the long run that usually backfires. Kids grow into adults and they will figure out your scheme pretty quickly. 

The real reason why I kept this arrangement up for so long is because I wasn't emotionally mature enough to move on with my own life. I wanted piece of you in my backpocket as a security blanket. I loved the way in which you viewed me as your personal property. It made me feel wanted. 

I was comfortable with your jealous and manipulative behaviors. I always knew that your first instinct is to throw someone else under the bus. So, I treated you accordingly. But, after awhile the game between us no longer entertained me. I began to feel empty and unfulfilled. And the thought of spending the next 30 years tied to someone whom I didn't respect scared me. Over the past few years, I have been making these huge changes in my life. With the exception of our dalliances, I no longer associate with a majority of people from my past. 

I met someone else a year ago and she is everything that I want and need. But, in order to make anything work between us. I have to cease and desist our arrangement. I think that you should move on with your life. I mean it. I am sorry for the way that I treated you during our marriage. I am sorry for the way in which I disrespected you over the years.

I want our kids to see what real love looks like. Not, the BS that we had in our marriage but, true and genuine love.

I'll pick up the kids next Friday night. Have them ready to go at 6 pm.

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