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Sunday, November 6, 2011

Honesty Monologue: I Don't Want To Move On From My Ex

I do not want my ex-husband to move on. We have been divorced for over a decade. I mean it is to the point where I am still trying to wrangle invitations to his family events. For years, I was able to use our kids as an excuse to stay firmly ensconced in my ex-husband's family.

But, now the kids are in high school and they could care less about family events. They always want to hang out with their friends. This makes it awkward for me to go to my ex-husband's family events without them. Of course, I did anyway and for years his family was still pretty nice to me.

I have my own extended family and I get along with them pretty well. But, my ex-husband's family is pretty influential in our city. Going there means that I am going to rub shoulders with important people. One of the hardest things about our divorce was not having the status of being an official member of the family. However, being the mother of his children still afforded me enough status to get invited to events.

However, this past Christmas his mother called and told me that he was going to be bringing over his new girlfriend to meet the family.  She didn't uninvite me per se but, it was clear that my presence was not being requested.

 I played it off to her over the phone but, I was livid.

As  soon as she got off  I called up my ex-husband and yelled at him for ruining my Christmas plans with his family. He hung up on me. That was the first time that he has done that in years. So of course, I blame the new girlfriend for his rude behavior and so I set about pumping my kids for information about her. They are super loyal to their Dad and refused to give into my demands for information.

"Mom, why don't start dating again?" My son suggests.

"Why would I want to date anyone? I was married to your father for years. One husband is enough!" I reply.

My son looks at me sadly.

"Mom, he isn't coming back. " He says in a crackly adolescent voice.

I try playing  dumb.

"What are you talking about?" I ask sweetly.

"Mom, Dad is like really happy with his new girlfriend. I mean he is smiling and singing at the breakfast table. We have never seen him so happy." My daughter pipes in quietly.

"I could care less about what your father is doing-" I begin.

My son cuts me off.

"Then, it's time that you stop tagging along with us to the events on Dad's side of the family. You should hang out with your side of the family more."

My kids are right. But, it still hurts because I know that sooner or later he is going to re-marry and maybe even have more kids. This is going to take away my status within his family.

I will no longer be able to pretend that I still have status as his wife. And who will I be without that?

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