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Saturday, October 29, 2011

Honesty Monologue: I Attract What I Am...But, I Don't Like What I Attract

I want to meet a woman whom will love me and treat me with respect. I want woman whom will bring out the best in me. Someone whom I can be proud of.

Yet, I do not generally attract those type of women. I attract anchorweight chicks whom stalk me through out the day. They want me to validate their whole existence during every moment of the day. They drive me up the wall but, time and again, I seem to attract them.

The truth is that anchorweights are easy to find, simple to dispose of, and they are also interchangeable. I am in control of these anchorweight relationships and that was fine during my younger years.

However, now I am about a whole lot more than where the next party is and which movie is playing this weekend at the Cineplex. I want a woman that can match me on my intellectual level and is not afraid to call me out on my BS. I want woman  that wants to be with me out of love and not financial necessity.

Yet, anytime that I get remotely close my ideal woman...I make sure to sabotage it by acting like a jackass.

Afterwards, I find another anchorweight and start the whole cycle all over again. I am aware of my pattern and the way it is impeding my ability to have a lasting healthy relationship. I can't help myself though. I guess when it comes down to it, I don't feel as though I deserve anything better than an anchorweight.

I need to man up and realize that kickin' it with anchorweights is blocking true love from entering my life. I also need to love myself enough to take a step towards healthier relationships.

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