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Wednesday, September 28, 2011

The Loser Spirit Series: When A Man Settles For Less Than What He Wants...

The Loser Spirit can create life long bonds of resentment and toxicity between two people. Especially, when one or both of the parties feels as though they settled for way less than what they wanted in a relationship or marriage. In this blogpost, I am discussing what happens when a man feels as though he has settled for less in a relationship. Please note that I am also working on a future blogpost about women whom settled for less than what they wanted in a relationship.


 When a man settles for less than what he wants in a woman, he is going to make her life a living hell. Whether he is trying to or not. Women are  intuitive by nature and instinctively know when they are not in a man's heart. Sure, a woman may use a little delusion and some hem up tactics to hold the relationship together...but, instinctively  she knows that she is in a killing time situation.
There are lots of different reasons why men settle for the first woman that comes along. Perhaps, she was standing there and he was ready to settle down. Or he was super insecure at the time and was willing to take the first woman whom said "Yes".
However, it does not really matter why he settled for less than what he wanted. Just know that he is probably not  going to stay in it for the long haul.

Some men will leave their "settled for" relationship, but  keep the door open for a possible temporary reconciliation. This is more out of familiarity than love for their settled for Ex.

The settled for Ex is something familiar to them. They need  to keep the settled for Ex on the string just in case it takes them longer than anticipated to upgrade. Plus, it gives him more time to review other options whilst the settled for Ex is still servicing his needs.

 Losing weight, finishing a degree, and getting her financial and emotional life together will still not make him stay. He still views the Ex as the same girl that  he settled for all those years ago.

After a man upgrades, he may become overwhelmed with the knowledge that his life is being opened up to a whole bunch new possibilities and that can be frightening to him.

It can also send him running back to his settled for Ex. But, he will not stay for long. He will stay until he feels more confident about himself and more worthy of the Upgrade.

The Upgrade may or may not take him back. However,  no matter what, he is  still not going to stay with the settled for Ex. He has experienced life with an Upgrade and there is no turning back for him after that.

If you find yourself in the position of the settled for Ex, realize that if you take him back you are setting yourself up as a life-long default option for him.

Do you really want to live as someone's default option?

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