During the past week or so, I have stumbled a bit on my path towards Enlightenment.
Admittedly, I fell into a temporary haze of self-pity with just dash of resentment. I kept thinking about my miscarriage and how unjust it was that my pregnancy did not make it to full-term.
I know plenty of moms whom partied during their younger days and were still able go on to have healthy pregnancies. I have never been a huge drinker, never even tried illegal drugs, yet I was unable to carry my baby full-term.
I also thought about all those drugged out/drunk moms whom are able to sustain their pregnancies. Next, I ruminated on those parents whom use their kids as weapons and commodities against each other.
Several times during the past week, I felt the sting of tears burn my eyes as I thought about how hard I worked to keep my baby- to-be safe and out of a drama filled environment.
It is hard not to take my miscarriage as a personal slap from God.Yet, I am a woman of faith and I know that God has a plan for me that does not include being a mother, right now. I believe that in the not-to distant future my prayer to carry a baby will be granted. If by some chance that it is not, then I have no problems adopting or being a foster mom.
From time to time, I envision that my little angel (Alexandra Kathleen, Ally Kat for short) is in heaven with her Grandpa James listening to a Twins baseball game playing on some static filled AM radio station.