Link Within

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

The Loser Spirit Series: Children and the Loser Spirit


People are not born with the Loser Spirit. However, they can be born into  family environments in which the Loser Spirit is present. Growing up in a household filled with abuse and/or other negative influences can bring the Loser Spirit into the life of child.

However, there are other situations which make children more susceptible to the Loser Spirit. The Loser Spirit loves infecting children with its own brand of poison. Its toxicity enters a child's life in the form of resentment. Once a child is in the clutches of the Loser Spirit, it is difficult to extract them.

This is why it is important to recognize the situations which leave your child vulnerable to the Loser Spirit in the first place. Of course, there are way more than just 7 situations which can infect your child with the Loser Spirit. I based my informal research on both my personal observations as well as interviewing parents on this subject.

Below are 7 situations which can infect your child with the Loser Spirit:

1. Expecting your child to hold your marriage/relationship together
2. Expecting the eldest child to parent their sibling(s)
3. Using a baby to trap someone into staying in a relationship with you
4. Using your child as a commodity in a divorce or separation situation
5. Using your child as a weapon against the other parent
6. Using your child as a scapegoat
7. Living vicariously through your child

1. Expecting your child to hold your marriage or relationship together 
If you and your partner are struggling to love, respect, and get along in general... then go to counseling or head your separate ways. Do not hang the survival of your relationship on a child. It is not their job to hold your marriage/relationship together.

2. Expecting the eldest child to parent their sibling(s)
 It can be tempting to constantly push off your parental responsibility onto your eldest child.  Children cannot be expected to parent their younger siblings.

3. Using a baby to trap someone into a relationship with you
Ladies, think twice before you "forget" to take your birth control in the hopes of trapping your man into staying with you or to effect an 18 year long payday... Fellas, before you poke holes in the condom because you are scared that the only way your lady will stay around is if you have a child together...

Trapping someone with a child will NOT bring you closer together. In fact, it can have the opposite effect. The person feeling trapped will resent both you and the child. Even, if they stay in the relationship, there will be a taint of resentment and the child will ultimately suffer because of it.

4. Using your child as a commodity in a divorce or separation situation
Children are not commodities. Please remember that before your shake your Ex down for additional money which you have no plans on using for your child. Wouldn't it better if that money was placed into a trust for the child's future?

Also, for those parents whom are paying child support, are you throwing  extra money at your Ex just to shut them up without examining where the money is truly going? 
Keep in mind that your child will figure out quickly that they are pawn in a power struggle between their warring parents.
A child whom is treated like a commodity will struggle with low self-worth and associate love with how much money is being spent on them or vice versa.

5. Using your child as a weapon against the other parent
Unfortunately, children are sometimes collateral damage in the emotional tug of war between their parents.
It is sad to witness two people using their children as weapons against one another. The child is an innocent party in this situation. Unfortunately, some parents insist on poisoning their children against the other one. They justify it by saying that it is important for the child to "know the truth" about the other parent.


Is it important for a 10 year-old child to know that you believe that your husband only married you because you were pregnant?  Or that your wife was from the wrong side of the tracks and you regret the day that you met her? How is it that helping your child grow into a healthy adult? Or is it just another way that you can appear to be the "good" parent.

How about a little less posturing and a lot more parenting?

6. Using your child as a scapegoat
It is not your child's fault that the other parent is not treating you well. Your child's success or lack thereof in school is not the real reason that your spouse is leaving you or refuses to return to the relationship. It is up to you to process your emotions in a healthy way. 

7. Living vicariously through your child
You have already experienced childhood. Please remember that your child has a right to theirs  as well. Sometimes, this concept gets lost in the glamour and glitz associated with being a stage parent.  Listen, I am all for supporting the dreams of your children, however as a parent it is your responsibility to make sure they do not lose their childhood because of your own unfulfilled dreams.

Parenting can be a rewarding yet, nonetheless tough gig. Even, when parents are doing their best, the Loser Spirit can still find away to lure children into its lair. However, parents still have the responsibility to avoid creating situations which invites the Loser Spirit to become a huge part of a child's upbringing.


No comments:

Post a Comment

Disqus for Bougie Girl