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Sunday, August 7, 2011

The Frenemies Series: 7 Major Pitfalls of Insecurity


 

 

In my initial Frenemies post, I discussed the way in which Delusion can take you down a very lonely road. This post is all about the treacherous scalawag known as Insecurity. Insecurity offers up comfortable lodgings at a very high price. It promises to never to abandon you in your time of need.

Yet, Insecurity is harboring a perilous secret. It is not truly the answer to all of your problems. In fact, as time goes on you will notice how many problems are compounded by the bullying nature of Insecurity. 

I based this list on both personal observations and a very informal/unscientific poll which I conducted.

I realize that there are  WAY more than 7 pitfalls of Insecurity.  However, for the purposes of "The Frenemies Series", I have chosen to work from a narrowed down list. (I plan on addressing the different aspects of Insecurity in more depth and detail in the future.)

  1. Insecurity about your shortcomings can cause you to lash out at others whom embody what you lack.
  2. Insecurity can cause you to sabotage your own chances of success.
  3. Insecurity demands that you only enter into relationships with folks on a lower vibration level than you.
  4. Insecurity says that if people truly love you, then they will accept your insecurities as their own.
  5. Insecurity loves to appear more important than he really is.
  6. Insecurity chooses a career which will make you appear glamorous... never mind that you hate it.
1. Insecurity about your shortcomings can cause you to lash out at others whom embody what you lack
Are you uncomfortable about your weight?  Insecurity insists that  no one else around you is allowed to rock confidence about their bodies, because you do not feel good about your own. It encourages you to make snide comments about physically attractive people to make yourself feel better. In addition, Insecurity cajoles you into whining about your various real and imagined figure flaws to illicit compliments from people around you.

 Are you uncomfortable about your lack of formal level of education?  Insecurity convinces you to ridicule  those whom possess more education than you. Meanwhile, he assists you in compiling a list of excuses for reasons why you cannot possibly obtain a degree.

If you want to change, then you need to have a stern no-holds-barred conversation with Insecurity. Tell him that you can no longer allow him to drag you down with his detrimental BS. Then, set about with taking your life back from him. This starts by taking stock of what you value in life. If you value being in shape and looking a certain way, then by all means consult a medical doctor about starting a new health regimen.

If your lack of formal education is making you uncomfortable, then it is up to you to do something about it. Making fun of other people pursuing their dreams will not sustain your well-being in the long run. Eventually, you will regret not going for what you want.  Twenty years from now, the slippery platitudes being offered up by Insecurity will be of hollow consolation.

2. Insecurity can cause you to sabotage your own chances of success.
You only seem to be able to get so far, before Insecurity marches in and pulls the plug on your endeavors. Insecurity brings in Self-Doubt and Fear, just in case you get any ideas about trying to circumvent his destructive efforts.  He advises you to go on an alcohol bender the night before an important presentation at work. He also tells you that it is better to coast by at work doing the bare minimum. Insecurity convinces you that hard work and getting promoted is for suckers.

You wholeheartedly believe him... until you notice that you are the only one in your department whom has not been promoted. You train new hires and they surpass you on the office food chain. It is starting to really bother you. You start thinking that perhaps working harder and going further in one's career is not such a bad thing. You start making an effort to come into work earlier and leave later. You are working harder than before and the higher-ups are starting to notice.

Here comes Insecurity and he does not look happy. He whispers in your ear that you are wasting your time, because no one at your workplace will ever appreciate you. In the past, you would have agreed with him and started goofing off at work. However, this time you turn up the volume on your MP3 player and continue working diligently on your proposal for a new filing system for your workplace.

Insecurity does not like to move on from the past. It prefers to stay nestled in the warm memories of a not-so-glorious past. Insecurity will work in concert with Delusion to keep you stuck in a rut. It whispers softly into your ear that someone like you will never really amount to anything and that your best years are all behind you. Insecurity encourages you to hold onto your dysfunctional crutch/raggedy a** security blankets for dear life...even when it is clear that clinging to the past is not in your best interests. But, then Insecurity does not care about your best interests. He is just tryin' to survive. He knows that keeping you fixated on a past which you cannot change will prevent you from moving on and being happy.

 If you are happy...where is Insecurity gonna live? It is not like there are homeless shelters or Section 8 housing available for a Frenemy such as Insecurity. 

You are going to have to remind Insecurity that the past is dead and it cannot be resurrected. Tell Insecurity that you are not going to burn anymore daylight anguishing over  past mistakes and choices. The present is here and now...but, the good things in your life will not wait for you to stop staring at the closed door of the past. 

4. Insecurity demands that you only enter into relationships with folks on a lower vibration level than you.Insecurity loathes having its authority challenged. It steers you towards toxic/ soul-sucking/maturity stunting

These toxic folks are not having a positive influence in your life. You are not improving your vibration level by keeping them around. In fact, the only thing which has grown from your association with these people is your ego.

Insecurity instructs you to keep dating people on a way lower vibration level. He convinces you that it is better to be miserable  with someone on a lower vibration with yourself than to be joyfully alone. 
Insecurity thrives on relationships which contain anchorweighting, co-signing, cult leadering, and chronic blaming.  If you do happen to find someone on an equal or higher vibration,  Insecurity will immediately try to cut them down to size. He will run a low-level pimp game of manipulation on them until their vibration level falls well below yours. 

After the transformation is complete, you will scapegoat your significant other into oblivion for all of your problems. Insecurity, will then assist you in finding someone else on a lower vibration than yourself to start the cycle again.

Do yourself a big favor and tell Insecurity to back off. He is about to lead you over the cliff with this one. A toxic relationship, especially with someone on a lower vibration than yourself leads on the road of all kinds of ruin. You will spend most of your time making excuses for your significant other, then you will start scapegoating them for said deficiencies, and finally, you will completely lose all respect for them.

Every time you hear their name, pain from your failed relationship will radiate through your body. You will hold feelings of guilt and shame for the way in which you lambasted them for their deficiencies. Ironically, said deficiencies were the very things that steered you towards them in the first place.

Regret will enter the picture and you will feel bad because you could not help them overcome their issues. Resentment comes next, because after awhile you become weary of their constant anchorweighting and excuse making. Insecurity sits back and watches the show. He knows that you will never really completely process this  disastrous relationship.

He is counting on you trying to replace the original toxic sweetheart with lower rent versions whom have even more issues than the original one. Insecurity wants you to keep returning to  the original toxic sweetheart. He loves that you  struggle  distinguishing real love with regret/chronic nostalgia. This means that he will not have to worry about you trying to upgrade into a healthier relationship.

If you are tired of Insecurity keeping you on a lower love vibration, then you will have to make some internal changes. First, you will have to let go of  your past relationships, especially the toxic ones. The more you keep returning to the toxicity, the emotionally sicker you become. You have to choose between the illusion of your falsely inflated ego or having authentic love in your life. Secondly, you must make sure that you have processed your past relationship before moving onto the next one. Insecurity loves to both create and then systematically destroy rebound relationships. Finally, you will have to forgive yourself for settling for the toxic relationships in the first place. Sincerely forgiving yourself for past relationship mishaps, forces Insecurity out of your love life for good.


5. Insecurity demands that your loved ones must accept your insecurities as their own.
The encouraging friend, the understanding significant other are no match for the fury of Insecurity. He will make sure that the bonds with these folks are completely destroyed.  He expects to be catered to at all times and eventually your loved ones will tire of  him. Your loved ones will give you an ultimatum stating that you have to  choose  between your relationship with them or Insecurity.

After said ultimatum has been delivered, you  try to ditch Insecurity but, he does not leave without a fight. He constantly returns to wreak havoc on your life.

He instructs you to punish your friends and significant others for being contented with their lives. Insecurity wants  you sabotage their happiness by any means necessary. 

Whenever you complain about your life, Insecurity wants you to insist by your words and actions that your friends join in your pity party.  He forces you to punish those of your loved ones  whom  refuse to participate in the gripe session. He wants you to lash out at them for being "unsupportive".

Protect your loved ones from the venom of Insecurity by refusing to kowtow to his demands for total obedience.

6. Insecurity loves to appear more important than he really is.
Insecurity lives way beyond his means. He drives a fancy car which he can barely afford. He goes on lavish trips, frequently dines out, and wears designer clothes all with the aim to chase higher class status. Insecurity insists on buying high dollar status symbols to look important to people whom he has no respect for and vice versa. In fact, he  is always advising you to screw over loyal friends for more influential acquaintances.
At the end of the day, status symbols, and fly-by-night acquaintances are worth considerably less when compared to having loyal friends in your life.

7. Insecurity chooses a career which will make you appear glamorous... never mind that you hate it.
Insecurity feeds off of the looks of admiration which you receive  after you tell people what you do for a living.  Of course, you hate what you do for a living and you fantasize about opening up your own cupcake stand. Yet, that does not sound as glamorous as your current high-paying professional career. Insecurity will ensure that you stay miserably rooted in your current employment situation.

You are the captain of your career and not Insecurity.This may mean avoiding fancy trips and expensive restaurants in order to raise seed money for your cupcake stand. Do not allow Insecurity to defeat your resolve to pursue the career which you truly want.


Occasionally, everyone sips from the cup of Insecurity.  However, it becomes a problem when you start drinking it straight from the bottle and then chasing it with the other Frenemies.

Insecurity  offers up a one way ticket to become trapped in a life of discontentment and constant strife. However, you cannot totally blame Insecurity for all of your problems and poor choices. It is up to you to tell Insecurity to take a permanent hike. Failure to do so gives him the all clear to destroy your life.

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