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Sunday, August 14, 2011

The Frenemies Series: 7 Insights on Neediness

This is the third installment of The Frenemies Series. I started this series discussing the destructiveness of Delusion. In the second installment,  I talked about the pitfalls of Insecurity. Now, I am going to lay it on the line about Neediness. I based this list on both personal observations and a very informal/unscientific poll which I conducted. I also realize that there are WAY more than 7 insights on Neediness.

However, for the purposes of  "The Frenemies Series", I have chosen to explore the following insights on Neediness:

1. Neediness shows up during childhood
2. Warning: Do not feed neediness!
3. Neediness stunts emotional growth
4. Neediness is not trustworthy
5. Neediness does not love you...she needs you
6. Neediness places you in harm's way
7. Co-signing on Neediness can lock you down for life

1. Neediness shows up during childhood
Neediness makes her first appearance during childhood, typically after a tragedy such as death, illness, or even divorce. She has also been known to hang around severely dysfunctional families where abuse and chemical dependency are present. Neediness promises you that the key to happiness is being perpetually catered to by other people. You bring this belief into your adulthood and are sorely disappointed to find out that you have been deceived by Neediness.
2. Neediness craves any and all types of attention
Neediness craves any and all types of attention.You feed Neediness a scrap of attention and she hungers for more. (She is an insatiable little minx!) Whenever you give assistance to Neediness, it feels as though your life force is being sucked into a huge vortex. She takes a one-time offer of generosity and attempts to turn into a lifetime obligation of assistance.
3. Neediness stunts emotional growth.
Neediness also works in conjunction with both Insecurity and Delusion to keep you stuck in an eternal state of immaturity. Neediness convinces you that constantly being helpless is  a charming quality. In addition, she also instructs you to act a fool and stir up psychodrama in order to get your way.
4. Neediness is not trustworthy
Neediness has no interest in being trustworthy.  She is always quick to jump on bandwagons and betrays anyone... even the most generous Co-Signor/Rescuer for her own gain.
5. Neediness does not love you...she needs you
Neediness does not love you...she needs you.  Neediness rarely reciprocates love and affection.  A relationship involving Neediness often results in a truckload of psychodrama, ruined credit, chemical dependency, and misery. She is constantly demanding to be saved from her own poor judgement. She equates these rescues as acts of love.That is just how she rolls. As soon as the Co-Signor/Rescuer can no longer provide her with status, money, and attention...she's off to the next one.
6. Neediness places you in harm's way
Neediness trumps good sense and steers you into dangerous situations which could negatively impact your personal safety. She opens you up to being manipulated and abused by those taking advantage of your immense craving for any type of attention.
7. Co-signing on Neediness can lock you down for life!
Neediness is always on the lookout for a Co-signor/Rescuer. She comes onto the scene with a hapless, but nonetheless an adorable look on her face. Perhaps, her eyes are red-rimmed from crying about her latest misadventure. Naturally, you want to help her fix whatever is wrong. A year later, you do not find her constant state of distress so adorable. In fact, Neediness has started to impede your ability to take care of things in your own life.

Admittedly, you kept Neediness around because her eternal haplessness created an ego boost for you. You felt all powerful and wise whenever you were around her. Now, you feel drained and resentful of her monopolizing your time with her manufactured BS. Neediness rarely reciprocates in the good deed department. Besides, if she is helping someone else... how can she get her own needs met?

I have watched Neediness destroy friendships, relationships, marriages, and careers. She is a liar and she comes from a place of lack and emptiness. She is always seeking to fill a void via the sweat of someone else's brow.
It is not your job to "save" Neediness. Once you get caught up in her drama, it is almost impossible to flee.

Relocation, breaking up, and even divorce are not enough to get rid of Neediness. You have to exorcise Neediness from both your psyche and soul. Stop making excuses for Neediness and co-signing on her toxic actions.

The well of love from your childhood may have been non-existent or laced with large amounts of toxicity. However, you are an adult now and it is time to move onto a healthier supply of love. You have to start practicing self-acceptance and not expect others to provide it for you.

Evict Neediness from your life and change the proverbial locks on the door to your psyche.


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