Skip to main content

Step Away From the Sham...




SANDY:
I have this situation at home with my husband...

BOUGIE GIRL:
Um-

SANDY:
Look, I know that you do not like getting involved in marriage drama, but-

BOUGIE GIRL:
Yeah. Cuz, spouses always band together against the third party! I have enough problems without having to field calls  from an angry husband.

SANDY:
I do not have anyone else to talk to and my children's well-being is at stake.

BOUGIE GIRL:
(Sighes reluctantly) Let's hear it.

SANDY:
So, my husband has stopped coming home for the most part.

BOUGIE GIRL:
What do you mean stopped coming home? Did he move out?

SANDY:
In a matter of speaking. He told me that he did not want to be married to me anymore.

BOUGIE GIRL:
Dang. I am so sorry. How long ago did he tell you this?

SANDY:
(Starts sobbing) About six months ago. He also refuses to get counseling.

BOUGIE GIRL:
Do you need help moving?

SANDY:
Moving? I am not moving out. I have no place to go and the kids really like this neighborhood. They have lots of friends here and there is a great park nearby. I refuse to spoil their happiness. I would just rather wait and see what happens. It is not so bad.

BOUGIE GIRL:
Not so bad? Right. It is also not so good. Now, I am not tryin' to get all up in your business. I am just concerned that you are putting your children through unnecessary heartache and strife, because of your own fears. It is almost as though you envision yourself as the matriarch holding your family together. However, in reality, your unwillingness to accept the reality which is swirling around you is tearing your family apart. You could have already moved out and reclaimed some of your dignity. Yet, you steadfastly refuse to do so. Instead, you insist upon holding on to a charred illusion which barely existed in the first place.

SANDY:
When he's home, he is very attentive to the children. They love their father. I could not bear to move them away from him. They need him in their lives.

BOUGIE GIRL:
Just because you divorce their father does not mean that he will not be in their lives. In fact, it gives them a chance to have a healthier connection with them. He does not want to be married to you anymore. He is not coming home on a regular basis. You are starting to lose your mind and a lot of credibility with your kids.
You are putting your children through an excruciating amount of pain, because you refuse to acknowlege what is right in front of you.  Pretty soon, they will begin to blame themselves for your misery.

SANDY:
I know but, I feel like the children need to see us together as a united front.

BOUGIE GIRL:
Children look to their parents for examples of how a relationship should function. Look, if you want them growing up thinking that there is nothing unusual about hanging onto a loveless marriage then by all means keep on rockin' this situation! However, if you want better for your children, then you will do what you need to do to get out with your dignity. As for being a united front, you guys can still co-parent that way.

SANDY:
I just do not know how things got so bad between us. I am scared to give up on the marriage, because what if he goes out and finds someone else right away.

BOUGIE GIRL:
That does not matter at this point. He does not want to be with you. Whether or not he starts over with someone else is irrelevant. You have to focus on starting a new life with your children and making the transition as smooth as possible. If I were in this situation, I would be researching divorce attorneys, figuring out how to divide up assets, and most importantly signing up for some counseling.

SANDY:
Thank you. You have given me a lot to think about. This is so hard.

BOUGIE GIRL:
I know and I am sorry that you are going through this.





Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Writer's Nook Envy

I am in the process of creating a Writer's Nook for my townhouse. This task is so  Gen X/hipstery that I feel a little sheepish about even blogging about it. Yet, it must be mentioned because this simple task has turned into a huge undertaking.

My new townhouse has a spacious basement which upon first glance seemed like a great place to set up an office and a workshop. Setting up the work table and supplies went pretty smoothly.

However, the drafty basement has proved to be a not so great location for my writer's nook. Also, it is a windowless space which after awhile made me feel as though I was in some sort of lock down situation.

So, I moved my writer's nook upstairs and this space is definitely more conducive for working. Though, my makeshift printer tables pushed together a long with the dining room chair screams "first apartment out of college chic".

At age 41, I would like to move past that decor and into something a lot more sophisticated.

Alas, cash flo…

Lots Of Irons In My Fire...

The past few months have been hectic in a good way. Years of personal growth, soul searching, and planning have come to fruition. Though, everything is not completely in place yet. I am definitely moving in the right direction.

I know this because the obstacles which were firmly in my way before seem to be stepping aside for me. The Universe seems to have given its blessing to this more evolved path that I am walking. Of course, this is not to say that there will not be challenges along the way.

But, I have learned over the years how not to allow challenges to become permanent barriers. Challenges are meant to guide us in the right direction. Unfortunately,they can occur without prior warning and despite having a solid contingency plan in place. Been there. Done that.

It has only been within the past few years that I have truly learned to embrace the wisdom which can come from challenges and unforeseen delays. A few years ago, several challenges swept into my life and seemed to take …

I am a bougie girl: Bold Statement Necklace

This necklace requires some sass and a little fashion imagination