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Wednesday, July 6, 2011

A Girl With Issues

She has issues. Lots of issues. The aforesaid issues stem from events which occurred long before you came onto the scene. She seemed so fragile at first. You offered her friendship and then it turned into something more.You turned a blind eye to her neediness and emotional dependence.

You told yourself that it was because she did not feel secure in the relationship. Then, you did everything that you could to make sure that she felt loved by you.

You gave up your friends, family, and time to yourself in order to make her feel more secure. You endured her constant phone calls, long-winded texts, and snooping through your email.

You downplayed her manipulative behavior.

You made excuses for her lack of ambition and downright laziness.

"She's not evil. She just has issues." You declared.

In other words, you  voluntarily signed up for the "Save-a-Chick" program.

Alas, years go by and her issues adversely affected your household finances.

Each time you suggested that she finish her degree or get a job she became really weepy.

"But, I have issues from the past which I am still trying to work out." She sobbed.

Then she cooked you a fabulous dinner and you forgot all about that crazytalk of her getting a job or finishing her degree. All  was well for a little while, until you began actively socializing with other couples. She is unable to compete with the other women in your social set. Some of the women have overcome great personal odds and yes, even issues to become successful in their fields.

You thought that she would be inspired by these women. Instead, she was  jealous of them. She picked fights with them, so that they would no longer come around.

You struggled to pay all of the bills on your own. You did not even bother asking her to find a job. You just continued slaving away and kicking yourself for becoming involved with her in the first place. At first, her fragility may have made you feel like all powerful and wise.  However, by the end of the relationship you felt emotionally wrung out from constantly dealing with her issues.

I have met plenty of "girls with issues".  I have witnessed these "girls with issues" hook  their unsuspecting prey with a sad life story and lots of tears. These "girls with issues" have no respect for the boundaries of others. They are all about getting their needs met. If they happen to need to destroy their sister's reputation, flirt with their best friend's husband, create a whirlwind of psychodrama, or run up their father's credit cards, then so be it. It is not their fault after all...they have issues.

Listen up menfolk, you cannot "save" a girl with issues. It is tempting to think that if you just love her enough, buy her whatever she wants, or never stand up  to her that she will get better. This is not the case at all! Your benevolence only adds fuel to her dysfunctional fire. Her issues are her bargaining chip, without them she would have to be more accountable for her actions towards others.

It is difficult to achieve your goals and dreams when you are chained to a "girl with issues".

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