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Monday, July 11, 2011

Do You Really Wanna Stop Dating Toxic People?


 You are looking for your "dream mate". You are tired of dealing with drama in your dating life. Yet, you know that raising your dating standards means that you will actually have to pull your own emotional weight. You do not know if you are ready to do so. Reluctantly, you acknowledge that there have been advantages to dating toxic people.

For example, dating perpetually toxic folks makes you appear to be  somewhat of a noble person. You are the long-suffering protagonist trying to give the toxic person a better life. Alas, they are too toxic to remain in a relationship with and so with a heavy heart you will have to walk away from them.

Dating toxic people takes away a lot of your energy and it gives you the perfect excuse to remain emotionally stunted.  You can also use them as a scapegoat as to why you have not advanced very far in your career.

Are you sure that you want to give up the status quo of being completely blameless in every situation? Turning your back on dating toxic people may also cause you to do a lot of self-reflection.

Self-reflection can cause you ruminate on why you turned to the darkside of dating toxic people in the first place. Are you sure that you wanna go there?

You will be forced to confront your inner outcast. You may  have to assure your inner outcast that there are stable people out there whom will love you without strings attached. The trick is convincing your inner outcast that playing mind games, triangulation, and other dysfunctional behavior will never bring them contentment on a long-term basis.

After you get your inner outcast under control, then you will have to go about changing your romantic bait to attract a stable person. The BS which works so effectively on the toxic contingency will not work with a stable person. Are you sure that you want to continue on? It is not too late to turn around and Return to the Land of The Toxic People. 

Just checking, because dating in the Land of the Stable People will require you to conduct yourself in a more mature and respectful manner. You will also notice that being in the company of someone stable will make it much easier to accomplish your goals. You will not be constantly barraged with phone calls, texts, and endless requests for  personal validation.

I know firsthand just how alluring psychodramatic relationships can be. The days are filled with dramatic fights, icy silences, passionate resolutions, and empty promises galore. Who could resist this cornucopia of shifting emotions and romantic frustration on a daily basis? 
However, once I reached my 30's,  I noticed that these relationships left me way too emotionally drained. Since then, I  have made a solemn vow to head for the hills at the first sign of psychodrama in a relationship. 

Dating stable people means that you are not always walking an emotional tightrope with them. You can trust that they do not have a hidden agenda. You get all of the benefits of a romantic partnership sans the psychodrama.

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