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Dialogues About Getting It Together

 


DAN:
Do you have a couple minutes?

BOUGIE GIRL:
Sure. What's up?

DAN:
I messed up with Maria.

BOUGIE GIRL:
What happened?

DAN:
I freaked out and dumped her over IM.

BOUGIE GIRL:
What? I thought that she was "the One".

DAN:
She is. But, I got scared that I was gonna mess it up. I always mess up my relationships. So, I just decided to cut her loose before I hurt her too badly.

BOUGIE GIRL:
What was different about Maria versus your previous girlfriends?

DAN:
(Wistfully) Maria did not take my crap. I mean, she was loving and kind, but she would not let me get away with my typical game-playing BS. She encouraged me to go for my dreams and supported me during the tough times. Yet, she still had a life of her own. My previous girlfriends spent a majority of their time chasing me around. I was their whole world. During my younger days, I liked clingy women. Their neediness made me feel loved. However, as I got older, I realized that their clinginess was holding me back in a lot of ways. I started feeling smothered by their constant attention.

BOUGIE GIRL:
Let me get this straight. You dumped the woman of your dreams because you were afraid that she was going to eventually leave you?

DAN:
Yeah. I know it sounds stupid, but I was afraid that I could not make her happy in the long run.

BOUGIE GIRL:
When did this happen?

DAN:
Three months ago. I want her back. I miss her so much. I am having a hard time sleeping and I am so miserable without her. I am thinking about asking her to take me back.

BOUGIE GIRL:
Hmm. Why should she take you back? I mean, how can she trust that you will not dump her again over IM? It sounds like she is a good woman and could probably have her pick of men.

DAN:
She is an amazing woman.


BOUGIE GIRL:
She sounds like an excellent catch. But, what do you have to offer someone like Maria? You do not have it together. I mean, I can understand why you want her back. However, I think that you may want to hold off on contacting her again until you are sure that you can handle being with her. You are going to have to step up the level of your life to keep her. If you are willing and able do it then great. But, I am not so sure that you are at this point.

DAN:
Damn. I guess that I did not think of it that way. I am basically asking Maria to take yet another gamble on me and to be honest I am not sure that I am such a good bet right now. (Pauses) I just don't want to lose her. She stood by me during some really tough times. I felt invincible whenever we were together. I do not think that I am going to find someone else like her.

BOUGIE GIRL:
Understood. But, you will only bring pain to yourself and Maria if you try to pursue a relationship which you are not emotionally ready for. If it is meant to be then, you will find your way back to one another.

DAN:
But, for now I have to let her go?

BOUGIE GIRL:
I think so. I know that it is not what you wanted to hear--

DAN:
No. I wanted you to tell me to fight for her.

BOUGIE GIRL:
I am telling you to fight for yourself, because it all begins with you.

DAN:
True. But, it is so hard not having her with me right now. I keep going back to that night when I dumped her. I want to take it all back.

BOUGIE GIRL:
Why did you dump over IM? Why didn't you do it face to face? This is the love of your life, but the way in which you left told her a different story.

DAN:
(Shrugs )
I ask myself that same question over and over. She deserved an explanation from me. But, you know I couldn't bear to face her. She had put so much trust and faith in me. I did not want to disappoint her with the truth of my situation. I just took the wuss way out and did it over IM. I expected her to fight me on it. I mean she did ask a lot of questions and offered to give me a cooling off period to reconsider. But, she didn't go crazy on me or anything.

BOUGIE GIRL:
So, did you deduce from her calmness during the breakup that she did not love you that much?

DAN:
(Nods)
Yeah. I did at first. I was so angry that she wasn't going crazy on me. But, then I would think back to way she is so gentle about everything. Her first instinct in a crisis is to think about someone else. She was putting my needs first. I was telling that I needed space from everything and she was respecting that. Yet, I was so immature that I thought it meant that she did not love me that much. It is so hard to move on from Maria. She brought out the best in me. I have tried going back to dating clingy chicks. I just don't feel the same rush being with them that I did before I was with Maria. Now, I just feel pity towards them.

BOUGIE GIRL:
Hang in there, Dan. Concentrate on getting both your mind and your life together. Once you do that then, it will become much easier to attract and keep a quality woman.





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