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Walking the Dark Night of the Soul


 

One minute you are doing well. The world is your playground. You cannot believe how great life can truly be. Then, a major event occurs and it completely shatters everything which you have ever believed in. You no longer feel on top of the world. Instead, you feel as though the world has been shrouded in darkness.

You look around and no one else in your life seems to be affected. They are dancing in a bright light. Their light burns your eyes and skin. Yet, you keep stepping toward it anyway. Hoping that the light of others will take some of your darkness away. This works for awhile, until  you begin to notice that your darkness is dimming their light.

You do not want to bring unnecessary darkness to anyone else's world. You return to your cave of darkness to wait it out. Days and weeks pass and still the darkness remains around you. You cannot seem to  see the bright side of anything.  You continue thrashing through this dark time in vain.
You are in a battle for your soul and it seems as though time is running out. Take a deep cleansing breath. You are going through a Dark Night of the Soul.

My own Dark Night of the Soul came about unexpectedly about nine months ago. It started with the break up of a relationship and the loss of an unexpected yet much wanted pregnancy.  I took pre-natal vitamins, ate healthily, took it easy,and watched my stress level.

Sadly, the pregnancy was not viable. I was around 8 or 9 weeks along when I experienced the miscarriage.

I can remember feeling as though light would never return to my life. At the time, I slapped a huge smile on my face and pretended as though everything was going great. Once in the safety of my apartment, I spent hours writing, crying, and questioning God as to why my life had to take such a turn into darkness.

During this time, my friends formed a protective circle around me. They took turns calling, texting, emailing, and instant messaging me on Facebook. Their love helped to get me through a majority of this dark time.

However, they could only travel so far with me on this Dark Night of the Soul journey. Ultimately, it was my responsibility to pull myself back into the light. 

My journey back into the light started with me listening to positive thinking podcasts. I recall listening one entitled: "Snap Out of It" and the host was discussing her own struggles with darkness. She discussed a concept called the "Dark Night of the Soul" which is a time someone's life when they struggle through a  period of despair and loneliness.

Each book I read and website I researched about the Dark Night of the Soul brought me closer to the light. I expanded my social circle and started getting rid of old mementos from my previous relationship. In addition, I made the conscious decision to let go of the sadness which had been surrounding me through my spiritual crisis. It was not always easy. There are times in which I just wanted things to go back to they were before everything fell apart.

My Dark Night of the Soul was a good indicator that I needed to construct a stronger foundation for my life.

The life I built before consisted of a sandy foundation, which meant a drop of water, a stiff wind, or a hot day could easily destroy. Now, the foundation of my life contains a solid concrete base which goes along way in weathering even life's darkest storms.





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