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Sunday, June 5, 2011

Dysfunctional Crutches and Raggedy A** Security Blankets


You turned to them during the darkest times in your life. They were there to pick up the pieces whenever your world was falling apart. They were your loyal ally and strongest cheerleader. It was you and them against the world. Your family and friends never really liked or trusted this significant other, but they held their tongues. You finally seemed happy and so they saw no reason to mention their misgivings about your relationship.

More than anything you craved the acceptance of your family. But, they were never able to give you credit for the positive changes that you were able to make in your life. Instead, they focused on all of your missteps and mistakes. Only your significant seemed to believe in you. Slowly, you began pulling away from your disapproving family and focusing your energy onto your significant other. You railed against your family every chance that you got. Your significant other listened sympathetically and held you while you cried about your cold-hearted family.

Years go by and you begin to realize that your family while dysfunctional in their own right, are not the monsters that you once thought that they were. You extend an olive branch to them, which they tentatively grasp. You know that re-establishing a relationship with your family will not be easy, but you are ready to make the peace with them. Everyone is happy about the potential for healing the past, except for your significant other. For years, they were number one in your life because of your shaky relationship with your family. Your significant other worries about their position in your life. They have realized long ago that your relationship has thrived only because of the strife between you and your family.

Your significant other begins causing drama between you and your family. At first, it is "he said, she said" stuff, then it escalates into all kinds of drama. Ultimately, you break up with your significant other. But, you never really leave them behind. You are still emotionally attached to the dysfunctional crutch aspect of the relationship with your significant other. You still view them as your biggest ally in life.

Yet, you do not ever want to go back to being with them in an romantic sense. At the same time, you are scared that they will move on from you. So, you do things to keep them on a string. Whenever those familiar feelings of fear and loneliness arise, you simply yank the string and pull them closer. However, when you are feeling great about life, you cast the line far away from you.

Stringing along your ex, has broken up all of your subsequent relationships. At first this made your ex happy, it gave them hope of a possible permanent reconciliation between the two of you. Until, they realized that they are  nothing more than a raggedy a** security blanket to you.

Now, they feel trapped and wish that you would just move on with your life.

At one point, I experienced a dysfunctional crutch/raggedy a** security blanket situation.He was a good person, but we had no business ever being in a relationship together.

We were not bound by love for one another. We were emotionally tied to one another because of mutual pain which we were both going through during our initial courtship. As the months went on, it became obvious that our emotional dependence on one another was debilitating.

Even after the breakup, we struggled to cut that tie. I found myself talking to potential datemates about my ex. Thus, hindering my ability to move on. My ex even confessed that he was telling his new girlfriend about our  past relationship.

We poisoned  one another's chance of a new life because we refuse to let go of our shared history.

Eventually, a heavy dose of  not contacting one another helped us both to move on.

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