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Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Break. The. Cycle.


You hated the way in which your parents used you as a bargaining chip for their unresolved issues. You resented the way your mother leaned on you so much after the divorce. You just wanted to be kid yet, you found yourself being the parent instead. You wondered why your father insisted on living so far away from you. You suspected it had to do with your mother's constant need for psychodrama.  Your  dad struggled with feelings of inadequacy leftover from his own childhood. This got in the way of him effectively parenting you.

Over 20 years have passed since your parents' divorce yet, you are still stuck within their cycle of bitterness and dysfunction.  All of your exes encompass the worst qualities of both your mom and dad. Each break up is more emotionally draining than the last, yet still keep dating the same kind of person.

You are not doomed to repeat the mistakes of your parents. You can put a stop to the cycle of chemical dependency, negativity, and/or abuse. This will not be an easy undertaking. It will require a truckload of courage and determination on your part.

You will also have to ponder difficult questions such as:

  • Why do I persist in choosing romantic partners with emotional problems similar to those of my family members? 
  • Why do I shy away from pursuing relationships with emotionally healthy people? 
  • Why am I constantly chasing the approval of my family?
  • Why do I always pit significant others against my family?

You may have to also seek outside counseling from a mental health professional. Your family may insist on staying in denial over their past and current dysfunctional patterns. Therefore, you may have to limit contact with them.

It is never too late for you to break the dysfunctional family cycle and step into your own life.

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