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Sunday, April 17, 2011

Packing Up the Past

I spent a couple of hours yesterday packing up things from a formerly shared past. I had mentally prepared myself for it and yet still little barbs of pain still shot through me. I bagged up the rest of the clothing and other items mostly in silence. I just want to get everything out of here because my life has taken a different direction and the remnants from my past only serve to hold me back.

We all deal with loss in a different way. I used to breeze through it casually without ever dealing with it fully. Of course, the pain of a particular loss would rear its ugly head for me further down the road. This time, I made the conscious effort to really go through all of the requisite stages of  grief. I wanted to use this experience to learn more about myself.

I started this journey in a painfully dark place. As a result, I learned first hand about the Dark Night of the Soul. I am no stranger to adversity, but this time was different. This was less about a financial struggle and more recognizing how I was contributing to my own unhappiness. I needed to explore why a majority of my failed relationships and friendships revolved around the same themes. I had to look at my tendencies towards constantly pulling emotionally unstable people from their on wreckage. I dragged them to safer ground and then I ended up being their permanent rescuer on duty. Not a great situation for either parties involved.

My first step in leaving this pattern was to realize that we all have our own path that we must follow. Occasionally, our paths will intersect with charming traveling companions. These travel companions keep us company during our journey. Inevitably, their paths will diverge from ours. That is the time in which we must make the difficult to decision to bid them farewell and wish them luck on their path.

Whilst part of my path destiny may involve dragging others to safer ground. However, I do not believe that I was meant to go the entire distance with them. We had reached our maximum capacity with one another and to stay a moment longer would sully the good feelings between us.

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