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Saturday, February 19, 2011

Anchorweights



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The word "anchorweight" makes me think of a parasitic person who is constantly riding on the coattails of someone else. Usually, the anchorweight finds their host cell early on in life. An anchorweight can be a spouse/significant other, sibling, parent, relative, co-worker, friend, or a bad habit that we have been  dragging from place to place.

Anchorweights can make us feel guilty for wanting to cut the proverbial chain which links us together. They make us feel as though we are responsible for both their successes or failures in life. It is our job to do everything for them, so that they will feel good about themselves. Once, we refuse to do so, they punish us with recriminations and frequent guilt trips.

But, we should really ask ourselves how got involved with our anchorweight  in the first place?

Constantly bailing out the anchorweight in our lives can make us feel powerful at first, but that feeling eventually it wears off.  Pretty soon, our lives become a torturous hell which, revolves around the never-ending drama of the anchorweight.

It takes a toll on our well-being to deal with a grown-up whom refuses to handle their financial and/or emotional business.

If we are not careful, guilt can keeps us chained to anchorweight for eternity. Anchorweights will remind us of every instance in which we have wronged them. Usually, they will  also demand that we take responsibility for their crappy childhoods.

Parents have been known to set up anchorweight situations between their children. It becomes clear to them early on which sibling is the stronger of the group. After the determination has been made, the parents will then place a heavy chain of responsibility around the ankle of the  stronger sibling. The heavy chain of responsibility will keep the stronger sibling tethered to the weaker ones.

This ensures that the parents will not have to worry about the weaker sibling as much. However, the stronger siblings will feel frustrated at being the eternal keep of the weaker ones. In turn, the weaker siblings will never stand on their own two feet.

I have a tendency to attract emotional anchorweights. On the surface, most of the anchorweights which I have encountered,   come across as very together people. They can successful careers and a large circle of friends. However, after a period of time the facade quickly dissipates and the emotional neediness spills out everywhere. They expect  me to make their drama my whole world. After awhile, I have to disentangle myself from them. It is never easy, because anchorweights will rarely unchain themselves from someone without a nasty battle ensuing.

Make no mistake, I am all for being compassionate and helping folks out in their time of need. However, I cannot be the keeper of someone else's emotional and/or financial well-being at all times.

But, anchorweights are not just people, they are also bad  habits which drag us down. Often, we are our own worst anchorweights. Laziness, procrastination, and/or the refusal to take responsibility for our own actions are very heavy anchorweights. Yet, many of us insist on dragging these bad habits from situation to situation.

However, for our own health and sanity we have to untether ourselves from any type of anchorweight situation. Remember, indulging the anchorweight in our lives does nothing to help us or them in the long run.

They just become more dependent and feel even more entitled to deplete us of our resources.




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